


Lovely

by geekyziam



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Bottom Tyler, Eventual Smut, First Time, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Oblivious Josh, Parenthood, Slow Build, Slow Burn, The Giver AU, Top Josh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-19 02:57:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 31,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9414890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekyziam/pseuds/geekyziam
Summary: When Tyler is given the career of the Giver, he starts to feel things he didn't know he could feel, especially towards his best friend Josh.Basically a The Giver AU with an alternate/extended ending.





	1. Tyler

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is an au based on a book/movie I tried to base the characters both off of the ones in the book/movie and Tyler, Josh and Jenna, so if anyone is ooc I'm sorry. This fic is also unbetaed so I apologize if there's any minor errors as well.

Tyler looked at the baby in the crib covered with glass. Tomorrow would be the day they all graduate and the Elders decide their life-long careers. Tyler believed Josh when he said that he thought he would for sure be a nurse, caring for all the babies in the nursery. Josh had always been good with babies and kids, Tyler had no doubt that he was practically guaranteed the career. Tyler and Josh along with their friend Jenna had come to the nursery everyday after school to see the babies that had recently been born since they could remember. Jenna had grown to wanting to be a fighter pilot, she felt that it was nobel career, plus you get to fly over their community and even to parts of Elsewhere, which really intrigued Jenna. Tyler thought that she would make a great fighter pilot. But as Tyler starred at the baby in that crib, he couldn’t help but think that he had absolutely no idea what he wanted to be. 

He never had any longing for a certain career, he’d always figure that the Elders would make that decision for him - which was technically the reason why they were there - but most kids who had grown to want a particular career, like his friends, got that career most of the time. Tyler figured he’d be good at whatever they chose for him and he still does, but he couldn’t help but think something was wrong for him for not wanting, not longing for a career, not having an internal feeling to contribute to their community.

Josh looked so in place here in the nursery, and he was sure Jenna would be bouncing off the walls once she starts his training. He began to think that once they graduate and begin their careers, which would be in two days now, he would hardly see his friends. He couldn’t exactly explain the emotion he was feeling other than inadequate, but that didn’t exactly fit. He pitied the baby, and found himself wanting to switch places with them. To be that young and unknowing of the pressure to be apart of a community was something Tyler suddenly craved.

After they were done at the nursery, they walked to this triangle fountain made out of tall hedges, way taller than them, so no one could really see inside unless you were looking through the makeshift door. As far as Tyler knew, no one but them really came here, it was like their secret meeting spot, only it was practically in the middle of the community so it wasn’t really a secret, but Tyler liked to consider it so.

“What’s going to happen tomorrow, after we graduate? Will we still be friends?” Josh asked.

“For sure, we’ve been friends for ever and we still will.” Jenna reassured.

“Everything will be different though.”

“Well then, let’s make a pact to come here like, once a week to catch up.”

Tyler and Josh agreed.

That night Tyler went to sleep not wanting to go to their graduation ceremony tomorrow. He felt inadequate again, like he wouldn’t exactly fit. He would go though, he had to. After all, what other choice did he have really?

 

-

 

The arena was huge, filled with not only their graduating class and their families, but the whole community. The graduation ceremony was one of the bigger events of the year, something that everyone attended. 

The president came on a hologram introducing herself and the graduating class. She along with a few other people high up were the only ones allowed to live outside the community and travel to other ones. Tyler had always wanted to know more about it, but never asked questions because that’s something you just don’t ask. That, and he was afraid that they would ask him to use adequate language, which he hated.

The president started calling out their numbers, beginning the part of the ceremony where they’re assigned their careers. Josh was before both Tyler and Jenna, in the 20’s for his last name was more towards the beginning of the alphabet. Everyone was proven correct when he was presented with the career of nursing.

Tyler and Jenna were right next to each other, their last names next to each other alphabetically. Tyler was 51 and Jenna was 52 and they waited for what seemed like hours for the president to get to the people in the 40’s. The kid on the other side of Tyler was called, and presented with the career of a teacher. Then, the president called out number 52, and Tyler didn’t understand. He had been skipped? Jenna gave him a non understanding expression that probably mirrored his own. Jenna’s number was called again, and Jenna stood up and walked toward the stage. Jenna was presented with the career of a fighter pilot and Tyler could tell that she was trying to remain serious.

The rest of the numbers were called, and soon he was the only one left.

“You all have thought I have forgotten someone and I haven’t. Number 51 please come to the stage.” The president said.

Tyler got up and walked down to the stage, unsure of what was going to happen.

“Tyler Joseph, I left you for last for a reason. You, Tyler, are very special. We’ve been watching you for 18 years now and have all agreed that you are most certainly the one for the career that we have assigned you. It’s an uncommon career, only given every few decades or so. The career that we are presenting you with, is of The Giver. Your training will begin tomorrow and be prepared. This will be a very hard and demanding career, not everyone can handle it.”

Tyler could only nod his head in understanding. He’s never heard of The Giver before. The arena awards him with their applause as he goes back to his seat. He’s later told the exact address of where his training will be held the next day. He wanted to feel in place, like he fit in, but he didn’t, he couldn’t for some reason. His friends couldn’t wait to start their careers while he still wished he could trade places with that baby.

 

-

 

The next day he rode his bike farther from the community. The place for his training turned out the be the current Giver’s family unit, on The Edge. Tyler used to ride his bike with Josh out here when they were kids, but he couldn’t remember seeing this family unit. This family unit was different than all the others, it looked more like something from Before, left over and forgotten. Small and one level, made of stone and brick. 

Tyler knocked on the door, announcing his arrival when the Giver asked who he was and why he was here. The door opened and Tyler walked through a long hallway before getting to a staircase. It spiral and led down to a big open floor, where he could see the Giver sitting on a chair waiting for him.

Walking down the stairs, Tyler noticed that the walls were filled with things that he couldn’t put a name to. They were slotted into the walls, and lots of them. The walls were covered with framed objects that he also didn’t have a name for. The Giver came more into view as he walked closer to him. The Giver was old, age showing in his face. He had to be the oldest person Tyler had ever seen. He supposed he wasn’t that old, maybe 60 or 70, but when you get past the age of 60 you’re sent to Elsewhere, so Tyler couldn’t exactly say that he’s seen an old person before.

“Tyler,” the Giver said once Tyler had walked up to him, “I have to give you some warnings about this before we begin. Although we’re confident in you that you’re made for this career, the last person who was chosen… she couldn’t handle it.”

“Precision of language?” Tyler asked, confused at the world “confident”.

“Uh, we’re sure that you’ll do well,” the Giver explained and pointed to the chair opposite of his, “you can sit down.”

Tyler took his seat.

“Okay, here’s the warning: The things I give you, the things I show you, are not of the present world. They’re memories from Before and it’s my job, and now your’s, to keep them. It’s important to keep these for it reminds us of the reason why we have the kind of world we have now. Some of these memories will be good, some very bad that it will be hard to watch.”

Tyler nodded, understanding more about what being a Giver is now.

“Other than that, I can’t really prepare you for what you’re going to see. You don’t know true emotions yet, or colors for that matter.”

Tyler furrowed his eyebrows, unsure of what the Giver meant.

“Look, we’ll start off easy okay. Here, take my hands.” The Giver outstretched his arms revealing his hands with his palms facing up, ready for Tyler to place his own on his. Tyler placed his hands on the Giver’s, “Now close your eyes.” Tyler did, “What do you see?”

“I… I don’t know it’s… nothing but it’s-it’s-“

“-The word will come to you, don’t try to concentrate so hard.”

“It’s a color!”

“Yes, Tyler. What color is it?”

“It’s… red! The color is red!”

“Open your eyes.” The Giver said, letting go of Tyler’s hands.

Tyler opened his eyes and he could see parts of the room in red. Tyler’s eyes widened in awe. He’s never seen anything like it before, everything else was so bland, so boring, but this color - red - stood out and made him feel something he couldn’t describe. He thought awe was what he was feeling, but realized that wasn’t strong enough.

“There are more colors too, and I can show them to you. But that’s enough for today.”

“What? You can’t just show me one color and be done for the day!”

“You need time to process what you’ve seen. I can’t give you all of the colors and send you home, we have to take it one at a time. And Tyler, you can’t tell anybody about what I show you, ever. They won’t be able to understand, it’ll be beyond their capability. You have to understand that it has nothing to do with them, it’s just the way this world is. What I share with you stays between us. I know how much you will want to tell people, but all of this has to stay here, understand?”

“Yes, I understand. I won’t tell anybody.”

Tyler supposed he was right, that he knew what he was doing. And if Tyler were to become the new Giver, he needed to abide by the Giver’s rules. Tyler didn’t think he would tell anybody about the color red, after all the Giver was right. How would they even understand if he himself didn’t even know what it was yesterday?

 

\- 

 

Tyler met his friends at the triangle like they all said they would. He saw parts of red in plants that he saw on the way. It all of a sudden felt more real, like being in the Giver’s family unit was something that wasn’t apart of the rest of the community, like they were disconnected. 

Josh and Jenna wanted shared about their first days. Josh had said that he got to work with Tyler’s dad and how him being there with him was reassuring. Jenna had talked about how cool the other pilots were but complained about how she wouldn’t actually fly a plane until a few months into her training.

When they asked him about his first day, all he could tell them was that he wasn’t supposed to tell them about it. Even when they pushed him, saying that it couldn’t be that important, Tyler still told them that it was a part of being the Giver, that he wasn’t supposed to tell anybody about what went on.

They eventually shrugged him off, knowing that Tyler wasn’t going to tell them anything. They agreed to meet back in a week and headed to their separate family units.

When Tyler walked into his family unit, he could he specks of red in places he didn’t think there would be. There was red in parts of the meal that they ate that night. His little sister’s backpack was red. The lights in the house had a red hue before it faded into something of a lighter blandness that Tyler guessed would be another color that he would soon learn.

That night when Tyler closed his eyes to go to sleep, all he could see was a dark red.

 

-

 

The next week went by and the Giver had shown Tyler all of the other colors along with emotions that he had never felt before. 

Happiness was the first, shown to him by children smiling, the feeling of seeing what’s called an ocean for the first time, a mother holding her newborn in her arms, being at a concert. He hadn’t known what any of these were, but the memories told him the names for these things. He had felt happiness himself, something he’s never felt before, something much stronger than content, when he was shown these images. Water leaked out of his eyes and the Giver explained to him that they were tears and he had them because he was overwhelmed with happiness.

Sadness was an emotion that the Giver had shown him a couple days later, giving Tyler another warning that he might not like what he was going to see and feel. The images of being separated from a family, a pet gone missing, never to turn up, a child ripped away from their safety blanket. He cried at all of these, the Giver explaining that he could cry both when happy or sad.

One of the first memories of happiness that the Giver had shown Tyler was that of sledding. Tyler considered it one of his favorite memories; he had been surrounded by fluffy white snow, almost up to his knees. It was so quiet even though snow fell lightly from the sky. This was Tyler’s first experience of snow; he had learned that there had been weather Before and that the environment was completely controlled here. It had always been sunny and seventy degrees, Tyler didn’t even notice the cold of the memory at first, he had been too concentrated on the snow.

He had walked over to what he learned to be a sled, sitting on top of the snow. He sat himself down upon it, and was soon gliding down the large hill. Tyler felt like he was flying, like everything else didn’t matter because he was smiling and happy sledding down this hill in this forrest. He had come to this family unit that didn’t look like a family unit at all. It was a cottage, a home. It looked warm and cozy and Tyler wanted to step inside, but the memory ended.

He had learned that a family unit shouldn’t be called a family unit but rather a home, a house, and that home could mean more than just a house. Home could be being with someone or being somewhere where you feel safe, loved, comfortable, a sense of belonging. Tyler found out that that’s not what his “family unit” was like at all. The only time he supposed he ever felt at home was when he and his friends were in the triangle of hedges.

The Giver had decided that they had done more than enough for that week. Tyler needed some rest before he could continue experiencing any other emotion. The Giver explained that these were merely the basics, and that he needs to experience all the other emotions before he can truly be shown more impactful memories. Tyler couldn’t really argue, he had already started to form dreams while he slept, which the Giver had to explain to him, even though the Giver could hardly explain dreams himself.

Josh and Jenna met him at the triangle just as they said they would. Once again they had asked Tyler to share what he was doing to become the new Giver. Tyler told them again that he couldn’t tell them anything. His friends didn’t push him this time and instead told them all about their second weeks in their training.

Tyler discovered that Josh had dark brown hair, almost black and his eyes practically as dark. Jenna was just the opposite with a mix of yellow and white hair, that Tyler would soon learn was called blond, and her eyes were blue. The hedges of the triangle were green, just like the grass and the trees. The waterfall running on the backside was the clearest blue Tyler had so far seen. At the angle he was at, he could make out a rainbow reflecting on the water and Tyler couldn’t remember seeing anything so beautiful.

He had learned what beautiful meant when he kept describing the memories he was seeing as “intriguing” and “special”. The Giver had grown annoyed with the adjectives fast and told Tyler that they would be considered beautiful and gave him memories of beautiful things. These beautiful memories consisted of trees changing color, fields of wildflowers, and some of the most beautiful humans Tyler has ever seen.

Tyler had never felt that way about another person before, didn’t know that one could. His parents never called each other beautiful and they never called him or his sister it either. But as Josh was telling them about his past week, about all the babies he’s been able to care for, his eyes wide and sparkling with the reflection of that rainbow and light on the water, Tyler supposed that if he did find somebody beautiful, it was undoubtedly Josh.

 

-

That night while Tyler and his family were eating their meal, there was a knock on their door. They all stared at each other in confusion. It was almost nightfall and nobody was supposed to be outside once it became dark. Tyler’s father got up from the table to answer the door. Tyler couldn’t make out exactly what his father and the stranger were talking about. He couldn’t fully see the person on the other side of the threshold either. He looked back at his mother and they shared a look of suspicion.

“Chris you just have to hold this one here for a week or two and no longer. He still needs to complete some tests and if I’m being honest with you, the president has even gotten involved with this one. This baby has been giving us abnormal scores so far, scores that we haven’t seen since Tyler. You were able to handle Tyler and you’ve been a nurse for a long time and one of our community’s best. I trust that you can handle it.”

“But where will we keep it? We don’t have any extra rooms and Kelly will have to take off time from her career again.” His dad tried to argue.

“We’ve expected that she would have to do so, and they’re fine with that. It will only be a week or two and I’ll keep you updated.”

And with that the stranger left, leaving a baby in a crib sitting in their living room. Madison got up from the table and ran to inspect the new temporary addition to their family.

“His name is Gabriel.” Their dad explained.

“Can he sleep in my room pretty please?” His little sister pleaded.

“Sure, Madison. Just wake me if he starts to cry and I can’t hear him okay?”

“Okay.”

They finished their meal and got everything set up in Madison’s room for Gabriel. This wasn’t something that normally happened, but there were sometimes exceptions and Tyler guessed that this was one of those times. After all, his father was one of the better nurses and knew everything there was to know about the career like the back of his hand, so who better to keep a newborn in their care?

Madison couldn’t be happier with their new addition to their family, even if Gabriel was temporary. She had always wished she were the older sibling. She played with Gabriel until it was time for her to sleep. Gabriel hadn’t cried at all that night.

 

-

 

The next day, the Giver gave Tyler another warning to what he was going to feel and witness during the memories he showed him. The Giver explained that Before, people did horrible things to other people and other forms of life. Tyler was confused at what the Giver meant by “other forms of life”, he had called them animals and Tyler still didn’t understand what the Giver was trying describe. The Giver said that there had been too many to describe but the memories would give Tyler their names.

He placed his hands on the Giver’s and closed his eyes. He could feel the warmth of the sun light his face. He was surrounded by tall grass that was more yellow than green. He could see a few trees around him that were very tall. Then he heard this noise that sounded like - what he could now describe as a trumpet, even though he had no idea what a trumpet was - and out of the tall grass about fifty yards away from him, walked a big gray figure with four legs and huge ears. The figure had a - trunk - in the middle of their face that was just about as long as their legs. On either side of the trunk were - tusks - long and sharp. This was an animal, he soon realized. It was magnificent and pretty, looking totally at peace walking through the tall yellow grass. Then Tyler heard voices, voices of men yelling. He couldn’t make out what they were saying but before he knew it, sticks with pointed ends - spears - were flying at the animal and the men came into view. They were stabbing at it and Tyler was screaming at the men, telling them to stop, but he couldn’t hear himself and neither could the men. Tyler soon had tears falling from his eyes as the - elephant - had fallen down to the ground. The elephant was letting out their own screams as it was being butchered. The men were - killing - the elephant and Tyler wanted to run out and stop them, but as much as he tried he couldn’t move. The men let out cheers and Tyler was now sobbing. They had hurt the elephant had killed it, the beautiful animal was brought down - dead.

Tyler opened his eyes, ripping away his hands from the Giver’s, tears staining his cheeks. He had gotten up and was pacing the room.

“Why were they doing that? To that-the beautiful elephant? They had-had killed it! It’s dead!” Tyler had never been given the memory of death before.

“Tyler they-“

“Why would you show me that?”

“Tyler listen! Please sit down, you know I didn’t want to show you that!”

Tyler supposed the Giver was right, he did give him a warning, multiple ones over the past two weeks now. The Giver really didn’t mean any harm, and this was part of their careers. He walked back over to the pair of chairs and sat down once again in front of the Giver.

“Tyler, the men killed the elephant for their ivory, their tusks.”

“Why?”

“For money, ivory was valuable and people were greedy. They didn’t care if it meant the life of another.”

Tyler had been taught the concept of money, of trade, and Tyler thought it was a stupid idea and was glad that they don’t have any such thing now. Tyler didn’t want to believe people would do such horrible things just for currency.

Tyler went back to his family unit that day thinking about that elephant. The more he thought about it, the more knowledge about it came to him; like how elephants had been one of the smartest animals, had memories from almost their entire lifetime and had the lifespan comparable to a human. The more Tyler had thought about and learned about the animal, the more he had begun caring for it. He tried not to think of the men but rather that simplistic moment beforehand, when it was just him and the elephant in the grass. He could remember details about it now, too; like how long their eyelashes were, framing their blue eyes, how softly they had flapped their ears in the slight wind.

He was the last one to come to the family unit, being the one who had to travel the farthest. He saw his father and Madison playing with Gabriel. They were holding his comfort object, which happened to be an elephant.

“Dad, what is this supposed to be?”

“It’s an ancient mythical creature, I think it’s called a hippopotamus.”

Tyler rolled his eyes. He wanted to tell them that it’s actually called an elephant, but decided against it. They wouldn’t understand and Tyler knew better than to tell them.

That night, long after everyone had fallen asleep and Tyler was awaken by Gabriel crying, he had slipped into Madison’s room and picked the baby out of his crib. He rocked Gabriel back and forth and held his hand. He noticed that Gabriel had the same birthmark that Tyler had. Both his and Gabriel’s were on the wrists, in the exact same spot. Tyler wondered if this mark was the reason that Tyler had been chosen to be the Giver. He remembered the man that had dropped Gabriel off and mentioning that his dad was able to handle him, and should be able to with Gabriel. Could Gabriel be the next Giver?

Tyler had transferred the memory of the elephant to the baby. Gabriel had stopped crying and began to smile. Tyler then sang the boy softly to sleep. Once the baby was back in his crib, Tyler returned to his room. He fell asleep and began dreaming once again.

 

-

 

The rest of the week had pasted and Tyler met up with his friends once again. They didn’t ask him this time about what he had been doing in his training, which Tyler felt relieving. It’s not that he didn’t want to tell them, he did, but it was against his instructions and his career. Not only that, but even if Tyler tried to explain the things that he’s seen, they couldn’t understand. They wouldn’t even know what a color was. Tyler tried not to think about that, all the things that Josh and Jenna were missing out on. The things that the entire community was missing out on. He knew it was for the best, but every time he tried to think of a reason as to why the Elders wouldn’t want people to have these memories, he came up without a reasonable answer.

The idea of Josh and Jenna not knowing that the sky was blue or that the triangle of hedges that they were standing in were a bright fresh green was saddening to him. He really wished he could tell them about these things, but they wouldn’t know what he would be talking about.

Jenna had pasted most of her written tests about being a pilot and was on to the simulations. She was telling them that she’d get two weeks of just the simulation, then a month of both the simulation and practicing the drills of taking off and landing on the actual jet. Tyler and Josh were pleased with her advancements in her training. Tyler could say for both him and Josh that they were proud, even though Josh didn’t know what proudness was.

Josh couldn’t tell Tyler anything about Gabriel as much as Tyler wanted him to. His dad wouldn’t tell him anything about the background of the baby and he was hoping that Josh would be able to. He wanted to why he hadn’t passed some tests and what tests they were. Josh did say that he was more comfortable in his career, that he didn’t need supervisors all the anymore, and Tyler was proud of him, too.

Tyler had learned a lot around the idea of hunting and death that week from the Giver. The memory of the elephant being hunted had only been the beginning. He had been shown memories of other humans hunting other animals, deer, bears, fish, all kinds of birds, he could go on really. He had gone back to his family unit in a gloomy, saddened mood everyday for the past week. He knew that these were just memories, but he couldn’t help it, the emotions came with them. Seeing his friends and hearing about their training in their own careers had cheered him up and made him happy. Seeing Josh with his sparkling dark eyes crinkled by his smile made him happy.

 

-

 

“Tyler, this memory I’m about to show you… it’s important that you experience it. It’s awful and horrible and it’s one of the reasons why it’s from Before and why our society is like it is today. I can’t, I can’t train you in any way for this. I’ve tried with the hunters and the animals, but this… is way different.”

“Okay, I think I can handle it.”

“No, Tyler, it’s… here,” the Giver said holding out his hands and Tyler placed his own in his, closing his eyes, “I’m-I’m sorry.”

Tyler was sweating. It’s was hot and humid. He was surrounded by lush trees and other plants. Other than the slight wind rustling the plants, it was dead quiet. He was holding a gun in his hands and he began shaking. He noticed other men with him in his same crouching position clutching their own guns. Then, he heard a click in the distance and a scream that was getting louder and closer. A loud noise and fire - an explosion - had happened behind him. The men he was with started yelling and running further into the trees. He started running further into the trees. He didn’t want to he wanted to turn around and run the other way, away from the direction the explosion had come from.

Guns that weren’t from the men around him started firing but he couldn’t see who was firing them. A guy a ways away from him went down and he wanted to stop, but he kept running. This was one of the things he hated about the memories, he couldn’t control his movements. All of a sudden, he heard a louder shot from a gun and the man next to him fell. Tyler turned and knelt down next to the man. The guy - Johnson - had been shot and was bleeding from his side. Tyler laid his gun down and he could feel that sting in his nose, that sign that he was about to cry.

“Johnson, I’m going to get you out of here, you’re going to be fine.” Tyler found himself saying. He placed his hands over the wound to try to stop the blood, even though he knew somehow that that wouldn’t do any good. Johnson was shaking slightly, one of his hands holding onto Tyler’s wrist.

“Parker, it’s not going to do any good, you need to get out of here. You need to run, leave me.”

“No, I’m not leaving you!” Tyler shouted, the gunfire getting closer now.

Louder noises of explosions and gunfire were all around him and other men started to get shot down just as Johnson had. Tyler wanted to help all of them, but he knew he couldn’t. There were too many, and he couldn’t leave Johnson.

“Parker, damnit, listen to me! Get out of here!”

“No way! I’m staying with you!”

Johnson’s blood was now all over Tyler’s hands. He was crying now because he knew that the man wasn’t going to make it, but he wanted to believe he would. That they would both be okay.

He felt a hand on his cheek, “Parker, I’m going to be okay,” Johnson said, voice smaller and weaker, “you’ve been a good man.”

Tyler wrapped his hands around the other man’s arm, blood now staining his arm. Johnson’s hand was slipped, held up by Tyler’s now, and his eyes had closed. Tyler heard another shot go off right by him but his eyes had opened, the memory over.

“Wha-What… what was that?” Tyler whispered, his own voice weak from crying, tears still falling from his eyes.

“War.”

“Why-Why would people do that to each other?”

“Lot’s of reasons, Tyler. I hate showing that memory, I always do.”

“I don’t think I can do this anymore. If that’s what the world was like Before, I don’t want to remember it. I don’t want to know about it, I-I can’t do it.” Tyler said, standing up and walking across the room.

“Tyler, no, please! I’m sorry! I-You know I don’t have a choice! I didn’t want to show you that, I’m so sorry! Please stay!”

“No I… I can’t.”

Tyler was up the stairs now and walking through the long hallway. He pushed the door open and roughly picked up his bike. He knew he was leaving early but he didn’t care. He couldn’t do this anymore. No way was he going to be the new Giver. He was only a few weeks in and war is something that he doesn’t want to remember, doesn’t want to know about.

He reached his family unit and walked upstairs to sulk in his bed, and maybe to cry some more. How could people do that? He thought hunting was bad, but this… this was on a whole other level. People killing each other? Over what? His friend in his dream, seeing his life be ripped away because of another man was something that Tyler hated. He didn’t want to witness that, didn’t want to be apart of that.

He kept thinking about Johnson and could remember more details about him. He had been Parker’s friend throughout the entire war, they had done everything together and had planned on living together after the war. Johnson had only been 22 and had told Parker everything, how he had worked with his father in his auto shop during summers and how he had gone to a Beatles concert before he had been drafted, about how he had been on his high school’s football team and was offered scholarships, but couldn’t accept them because he was drafted. All of that stripped away at the hand of another man that didn’t even know him.

Tyler couldn’t face the idea of suffering memories harsher than that. He had thought about the idea of Josh being Johnson instead, if Tyler and Josh were really in a war. If Josh had been shot, if Tyler had tried to stop Josh’s bleeding but couldn’t, his hands stained with Josh’s blood. Tyler thought about the light draining from Josh’s eyes, his smile gone, his face painted with pain. Josh telling Tyler that he needed to save himself, to get out of there and let him die alone. Tyler didn’t leave Johnson and he wouldn’t leave Josh.

He had found himself thinking about Josh more than usual lately, relating him to other people in memories that he had experienced. Tyler found that with this new memory of war, he would give himself up for Josh. That when it came down to trying to save Josh’s life, Tyler would try to protect him at all costs, even if that meant getting himself killed. Tyler tried to think if he would do so for anyone else and other than Madison, he couldn’t think of anyone other than Josh that he would gladly step in front of a gun for.

He wished Josh were there in his room with him, to relieve him of this horrible memory. He thought about Josh being there, holding him, as he fell asleep.

 

-

 

He didn’t go to see the Giver that following day, or the three days after that. On the last day of that week however, he decided to go back. He didn’t want to tell his friends that he had basically given up his career. He didn’t want to let them down, didn’t want to let Josh down. Not only them, but his family, the community, the Elders, he didn’t want to let them down. 

The Giver had given him a warning, which Tyler at the time hadn’t really cared about. He thought he could handle it, he thought it was going to be another memory of someone hunting an animal, but he was obviously proven wrong.

When he arrived to the Giver’s family unit, the man wasn’t in the big open room where he always had been. He wasn’t in his chair or browsing through the items in the walls. Tyler had to go beyond that room, which he had never done before. He found the Giver in a room sitting at something that looked a lot like a table, but noise was coming from it; a noise that Tyler had never heard before. He was confused as to why the table looked like it was split open, sort of at the top, like a lid, but still attached at one side. He was also confused as to why the table had nothing on it, just a big black table with only a bench at one side. However, the noise that was coming from it was beautiful.

“Tyler,” the Giver said with a sigh, his eyes wide when he noticed that he had walked into the room, “I didn’t think you were coming back. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I didn’t want another Rosemary.”

The Giver had mentioned Rosemary before, but only a couple times. All Tyler knew about her was that a few years before he had been born, she was supposed to be the new Giver, but she had quit and was sent to Elsewhere because of it.

“I realized I might’ve overreacted. I definitely don’t like war or want to experience any memories of that kind again, but you were trying to warn me and I thought I could be confident and handle it, but I couldn’t. I’m sorry, I still want to be the new Giver and want to continue my training.”

The Giver smiled, “Come over here, I want to show you something, something that’s not a memory.”

Tyler walked over and sat on the bench beside the Giver. 

“What is this table for? And why is it broken the way it is?”

The Giver laughed, “Silly boy, it’s not a table! It’s a piano, and instrument! It’s what I’m going to show you.”

The Giver began pressing his fingers down on the keys of the piano and the noise came out from it once again. The Giver played for a couple minutes before stopping.

“That’s called a song. People wrote music and played it all the time Before. Here, hold out your hands, I promise no memories of death and war for a long time.”

Tyler trusted the Giver, placing his hands in his.

That day Tyler was giving tons of memories of music, from piano like the Giver had played, to concerts like the ones Tyler had seen in some of the first memories. Tyler had wondered why they didn’t create such wonderful sounds now, why they no longer have music, but he didn’t ask the Giver. He figured that for some things there must not be very accurate reasons as to why they don’t have things from Before now, like music.

Tyler had immediately wanted to write music of his own, on the piano that the Giver had. The Giver agreed to teach him and let him practice anytime he wanted. He gave him memories of reading music and great songwriters to inspire him. Tyler had practiced all throughout the next week and more. Whenever he needed a break from experiencing memories or the Giver had run out of things to show him or teach him that day, Tyler was at the piano practicing.

What the Giver didn’t know is that the song that Tyler had slowly started writing was for Josh. Tyler didn’t know if he would ever show the boy or not, or even how that would happen, but it was a nice thought that Tyler had; to dedicate something at creative and moving as a song to the other boy.

Tyler was also given happier memories during this time.

One memory that he was given was of a wedding. They didn’t have weddings then, only Before did they ever have events such as weddings. The bride was lovely and her dress, too. He had been the groom and they had danced along to music played on violins and flutes and Tyler thought that was a much more happy way of getting married than the way parents were put together then. And what a lovely thing to be, married, something wonderful to call yourself and your significant other. His parents along with other parents didn’t get married, didn’t call each other their wife or husband; they were simply put together at a matching ceremony, much like the graduating ceremony. The Elders decide who will make good parents and pare them together and that’s that.

Through this memory of the wedding, Tyler was given the memory of love. He was shown other couples who had been dating or married, and even some memories where a person loved another but the other didn’t love them back, which Tyler thought was awful. He was shown couples consisting of people other than a man and a woman. There had been women who had loved women and men who had loved men. Tyler found this wonderful and thought that it should be like that now, that everyone should love anyone that they love.

He was shown memories of other types of love, platonic love between friends, love for a pet or a family member. Love for a teacher or a good boss, love for people who were famous. Love for something that people did; like love for their job, love for listening to music or watching movies, or exploring the once magical world.

From there the Giver had shown him memories of religion, other countries, other languages and culture. Tyler had learned a lot and they were soon looking at the items in the walls - books - and at the - paintings - on the walls, too. The Giver was always excited to tell him everything about these memories and Tyler’s eyes were always wide with anticipation and yearning for knowledge.

It had been two months since Tyler was shown the memory of war and everyday since he had been glad he had chosen to go back. The Giver had so much to show, and all of these memories had been so interesting and stunning that he had almost completely forgot about war.

But as the time rolled on and Tyler was shown more heavy and detailed memories, the more he wanted to tell his friends about it. Or rather tell Josh about it. They had stopped seeing Jenna every week on account of her being a full on pilot now, flying the actual jets and flying beyond their community. Josh and Tyler had agreed on still meeting at the triangle every week nevertheless.

Tyler had wanted to tell Josh that he was writing a song for him, but he didn’t, he couldn’t. Josh wouldn’t know what a song was, wouldn’t know what music was. It frustrated Tyler to no end but he knew that it was for the best. He had wanted to show Josh some of the memories Tyler has been show himself, like he had done with Gabriel that one night. Tyler thought that maybe someday he would, that he would just take Josh’s hands and show him something, anything simple and happy. God, he wanted to make Josh happy, truly happy, none of that “content” bullshit. Sure, Josh smiled and his eyes were always glowing, and he could be happy but he would never know that that’s what it’s called. He wanted to make Josh blush, he wanted to make Josh laugh, he wanted to make Josh like him the way he likes Josh. He might even love Josh, but that would only break his own heart if he did, for Josh would never be able to love him back, not even platonically. Josh would never know the meaning or emotion of love and that was the memory that Tyler had wanted to share with him the most.

Gabriel had turned out to be a longer stay than anyone had originally planned. The baby might as well be apart of their family by now, but the people at the nursery keep saying that it shouldn’t be too much longer before he’s off their hands. Tyler didn’t know what to think of that whole situation. He was still curious as to why Gabriel was even at their house in the first place.

He couldn’t help but feel protective of him, he didn’t want something to happen to him. Josh had told him that babies who didn’t pass certain tests or who weren’t completely healthy got sent to Elsewhere. The more memories Tyler experienced, the more the Giver taught him about the world they now live in, the more “Elsewhere” was mentioned, Tyler felt queasy and horrified about where “Elsewhere” could really be and what it could actually mean.

 

-

 

One day when the Giver had let him go early, Tyler went to meet up with Josh at the nursery to surprise him. Josh’s face lit up when he walked outside and found Tyler waiting there for him and Tyler couldn’t help but smile, too. Tyler wanted to hug him, maybe even kiss him.

“What are you doing here?”

“I finished training today and the Giver released me early. I just wanted to see you.”

“That’s cool! I wish I could’ve finished training early.” Josh chuckled.

“I actually wanted to show you something.” Tyler had been sort of planning this. He had wanted to share a small memory with Josh so bad, to make the other boy truly happy. If he couldn’t share the memory with him, he could try to make Josh experience one by actually creating it. He had thought about the sled, and walked himself and Josh to the cafeteria in the center of the community. He found the trays being conveyed up to the top of the building where they were standing. “Just trust me okay? You’ll lo-really like it.”

“Okay…” Josh said, letting out a nervous laugh.

Tyler had taken two tray and turned them upside down, passing one to Josh.

“Okay, so you’re going to sit on it and push just a little bit and we’re gonna go down the empty conveyer belt, I promise you’ll like it.”

“This is a little weird Tyler… but okay, sure.”

Tyler went in front of Josh, making sure Josh was sitting on his tray behind him, ready to go down.

“Ready?” Tyler asked.

“Yeah.”

“Okay… push!”

They slid down the conveyer belt down the side of the building. The picked up speed fast and Tyler could hear Josh yelling in what Tyler could call joy.

“Tyler that was… that was so, it was really… wow!” Josh exclaimed, grinning when they had reached the bottom, standing up now and putting their trays back. “I feel… I don’t know but that was really cool! You were right, I really like it! What was that? What we just did, did you learn that in your training?”

“Yeah, it’s something I’ve learned from the Giver.”

Josh looked at him like he was seeing the ocean for the first time. Tyler had never wanted to kiss him more than when Josh had looked at him like that.

“Well, I better get to my family unit, my parents and brother should be home. I’ll see you in a couple days right?” Josh asked.

“Yeah, for sure. In the triangle like always.”

Josh smiled, “Sounds good, see ya, Tyler!” He hopped on his bike and rode it to his family unit, leaving Tyler feeling happy and satisfied with the idea that he had hopefully made Josh feel happy.

 

-

 

At the end of that week, the Giver had given him another memory that Tyler found to be another one of his favorites, in a way. The memory hadn’t necessarily been one of his favorites, but the things he learned from it were beneficial. The memory, or memories rather, had been sex. The Giver had given him another warning, but nothing like the warnings he got before experiencing violent memories. 

“This memory… you’re gonna probably have to do something afterwards and you’ll know what after I show you but… it’s one of few bigger reasons why our society is like it is now. I’m gonna show you multiple memories of this, too, because it’s one of those things that come in different varieties.” The Giver tried his best to explain.

Tyler had no idea of what he had been trying to get at, but afterwords he knew. The Giver showed him multiple memories of sex over the few days afterwords. He experienced just about anything with anybody. Let’s just say that he spent a lot of those four days in the Giver’s bathroom.

Tyler was actually relieved with experiencing the memory of sex and in more ways than one. Mainly because he finally understood what a boner was and what to do with it. His parents only ever told him that it was natural and not to worry about it when his dick would be hard some mornings. Now, he knew what to actually do when it did happen. Along with that every time he thought of something even semi-erotic he would grow hard. He began to masturbate fairly frequently. He was a little worried for himself when it came to the point where he did it once a day, but the Giver told him that, as a teenager, that was normal because of his hormones.

When Tyler would probably feel guilty about something like this, about a topic, an experience like sex, he couldn’t bring himself to feeling so. Tyler actually felt liberated, nobody knew about this kind of thing and Tyler considered it yet another thing that was just for him, special just for him. Although he did eventually get tired of not having another hand around him or even not having someone else to have actual sex with, he considered it something that that he had begun to name unworldly.

Because the memories that he experienced, the memories that the Giver had as well, were something of another time, of Before, of basically another world. A world where colors and accurate emotions along with culture, race, religion and sex could all coexist without so much worry. Sex, to Tyler, was otherworldly.

One night when he was jerking himself off, he couldn’t help but think of Josh. He hated that he thought about Josh at a time like this because Josh was so innocent; he didn’t even know about sex much less any of the things Tyler has been taught over the last couple of months. But Josh’s innocence only made Tyler hotter, and he began to pump himself faster, thumb brushing over his head when he started to leak precum, smearing it over the rest of his cock.

He thought about Josh’s dark eyes and thought about them getting even darker if he were to see Tyler like this. He thought about Josh’s broad back and shoulders, Tyler wrapping his arms around them and leaving scratches. He thought about Josh’s hands; he thought about them gripping his thighs, grabbing his ass, running them across his chest and pinching his nipples. He thought about Josh’s hand around his cock and he could feel himself so close to cuming. He pumped his cock faster, imagining Josh whispering him things like “you get me so hard, Ty”, “you’re so beautiful” and “that’s it, baby, cum for me”. He leaked even more precum at the thought of Josh calling him a pet name like “baby” or “baby boy”. He thought about Josh’s lips, his plump pink lips. He imagined how they would feel on his own, his neck and his chest. He thought about them around his cock and Tyler came, moaning his best friend’s name.

Tyler immediately felt guilty. How could he think about his best friend like that? Even if he did like him in more than a friend way, Tyler thought he was horrible for imagining Josh like that. Tyler felt sick. Sure, he wanted to kiss the boy and do cute things with him, but he didn’t necessarily want to corrupt him.

And Tyler wasn’t wrong in saying that sex and masturbation liberated him, it did. But this was on another level for him. He felt like he had violated Josh in a way, even though Josh didn’t even know that Tyler partook in this kind of pastime. But that was the thing. Josh didn’t even _know_. He didn’t know anything outside of what their Community had taught him. He felt like he had violated Josh’s innocence and lack of knowledge. It was one thing to just jerk of to the thought of somebody doing these things to Tyler, a nameless face. But now that it was Josh… he felt ashamed that he let himself get away with it.

What if Josh somehow found out that Tyler wanted to do something as foreign and dirty as sex with him? Tyler wasn’t even sure how he would react to the fact that Tyler liked _guys._ Being gay or any other sexuality other than straight was something that had been left in Before. Now there is a husband and a wife, that was that. And even _that_ was chosen for you.

He wished he could tell Josh his feelings for him, but he wouldn’t understand and Tyler didn’t think he would be able to handle the unknowing, neutral response that he would most likely get.

 

-

 

Tyler had eventually grown sad and depressed over the world he lived in. He wanted to live in Before where there was love and he could love another boy. In Before, where everything Tyler could ever want and crave had been. The Giver expressed his sympathy for Tyler when he told him, saying that he felt the same way Tyler had felt at one point. 

They focused more on learning and reading books that week than memories that the Giver could give him. Tyler couldn’t bring himself to witness another memory anyway. He finished the song that he had written for Josh, although the boy would never hear it.

“I suppose there’s not a way to go back to Before, or to release all of these memories to everybody.” Tyler said, moping.

“Well… you’re not entirely wrong.” The Giver had said with a strain, like he didn’t want to say it but hiding the truth from Tyler would physically hurt him.

“What do you mean?”

“Well… there’s this… this map,” the Giver said, getting up from the table and walking towards one of the many bookshelves, “Rosemary tried to do it, she had found this map on accident. I told her she wasn’t ready, that it had only been a month into training.” He set the map down on the table for Tyler to see.

Tyler had scanned it over, somewhat recognizing that it was of the Community, or half of the Community anyway. The other half showed elsewhere and on the very edge was a dotted line, labeled “the Boundary of Memory”.

“You’re ready, Tyler. You’re practically done with you’re training. I still have tons of memories to show you, but nothing essentially new. Nobody knows about this except us and the president. We just have to be careful to keep this under wraps, if you really want to do this?”

“Do what?”

The Giver sat back down next to Tyler, “If you want to release all of these memories to the Community, to the whole world, all you have to do… is pass through this boundary. All of the memories that you have and will ever have, will be released for everyone to experience.”

“That sounds impossibly easy, where’s the catch?”

“The catch is that it’s easy for the Elders to know that you’ve left the community without authorization. That, and I’m really not sure how far the journey might actually be. The boundary could be an easy day trip away or it could be years worth of traveling away.”

Tyler thought about it. He honestly didn’t exactly want to live in a world as restricted as theirs anymore. He almost didn’t care how long it would take to get there or what would be between here and the boundary, he would get there. So, he agreed to do it, to be the one to cross the Boundary of Memory. The Giver had warned him that he absolutely no idea what would happen to him once he crossed it. The Giver explained that he knew that the memories would be released of course, but he wasn’t sure what would happen to Tyler, where Tyler would even be.

“I’m willing to be somewhere nobody’s ever been in order to release these memories. They’re too important and I can’t live here anymore as it is.” Tyler explained.

The Giver nodded his head in understanding. They spent the rest of the day planning out how they were going to pull this adventure off without the Elders or the president knowing. They had read pages in books and encyclopedias of all of the different types of terrain and environments that Tyler could possibly encounter.

They had taken notes on how to survival tactics in the event of the president sending fighter pilots after him or if he were to get lost. The Giver admitted that he didn’t really have any of the equipment that Tyler would need given those situations, but Tyler told him not to worry about, confident that it will all go well and as planned.

Their time had ran out and as much as the two of them would’ve liked for Tyler to stay longer, they both knew that the boy had to be in his family unit by dark. Tyler left with his bag fullof notes for the trip and hands shaking in anticipation, trying to maintain steering his bike straight.

When Tyler had gotten inside his family unit, he noticed that Gabe wasn’t there. Madison wasn’t playing with him as usual, the temporary baby toys were gone, and he could see that his highchair in the kitchen was gone.

“Dad…,” Tyler said carefully, slowly walking towards his dad who was cleaning the kitchen table, “where’s Gabriel?”

“The baby? Oh, I took him with me to the Nursery today, he’s able to go back now.”

Tyler’s face fell even further, if it could. He had already been suspicious enough, but hearing this news, he knew now what was really going to happen to Gabe, and that he needed to put a stop to it, but he didn’t know how.

“About time if you ask me, we had that baby way longer than they promised me. ‘A few weeks’ more like a few months.”

The elongated time only further confirmed what Tyler was dreading and still trying to tell himself what couldn’t be true. They couldn’t really be killing him could they? They didn’t really kill babies did they? He knew that “Elsewhere” wasn’t really a place. He knew that when people said that someone was “sent to Elsewhere”, they were dead.

Even out of all the memories that he had experienced, out of all of the things he had learned from the Giver, this one was the hardest to wrap his hand around. How could they blatantly kill someone without knowing that they were actually killing them?

His father wasn’t one who killed the babies was he? His dad couldn’t possibly be so oblivious so something so cruel, so criminal. And Josh… Josh couldn’t be someone who killed babies could he? He loved babies, he had waited practically his entire life to be nurse. He’s always taken care of every baby he had ever encountered with what Tyler now recognized as full on instinct.

Tyler avoided responding to his dad and ran up the stairs to his bedroom. He felt like he was going to suffocate, that the living room was too stuffy and that the walls were closing in on him with the crushing reality of the type of world he was living in. A world where people kill babies that aren’t deemed perfect are killed, people who live to a certain age are killed, people who disobey or incorrectly perform at their career are killed, where if you did anything that you are told not to do, you are killed.

It was getting hard to breathe, he had never felt so trapped and confined. He wanted out. He wanted out _now._ He needed to leave tonight. He needed to save Gabe, bring the baby with him, to the Boundary of Memory.

He couldn’t care less about his family, they were hardly his family in his eyes, just more of the robotic-like people that only further pressured him and made him feel like a foreigner. He would start his own family, Gabe could easily be his son. Just him and Gabe, traveling to the boundary line and embracing what was ever waiting for them on the other side. Tyler could handle it, and if he could handle it, then so could Gabe.

 

-

 

He waited until after their meal, after everyone was asleep, after dark to leave. He got out his backpack and stuffed it full with multiple pairs of clothes and a blanket along with all of the notes from earlier that day. He managed to find some of his baby clothes and packed them for Gabe. He managed to keep the apple from his meal to save until later. He knew that it wouldn’t be enough, especially if the journey were to be longer than a few days, which he guessed it would be.

He snuck from his bedroom, passing his sister’s and whispering a goodbye. He always felt closer to her than he did to his parents and he felt bad for her in the fact that she would have to continue to grow up in such a restricting world. He knew it was for the best, she wouldn’t understand if he tried to convince her to come along, plus she would blab to their parents.

He made his way down the stairs, walking slowly towards the door, knowing that it was more than likely the last time he would ever be here; the last time that he would see his family unit. He gave a short mental goodbye and opened the door as quietly as he could, stepping outside.

He grabbed his bike, hopped on and started peddling toward the nursery. He was trying to be a quiet as he could and trying to avoid the cameras that he knew the Elders had placed around the community. He hadn’t gotten too far from his house, only a few blocks really, when he could see Jenna standing in the middle of the pathway outside her family unit. He skidded to a stop when she wouldn’t get out of the way and he didn’t realize how fast he had actually been going.

“Jenna, get out of the way.”

“You’re supposed to be in your family unit, Tyler.” She said sternly.

“So are you, what are you doing out here?”

“I saw your bedroom light turn on, and when you stepped out of your family unit, I knew I had to stop you. You’re not supposed to be out here; it’s after dark.”

Their houses weren’t that far from each other and looking back, Tyler realized that he could indeed see his bedroom window from here.

“Look, Jenna this is important and I can’t be out here long, you know that. I promise I won’t be long, my dad just forgot something at the nursery and he asked me to go get. He said I’d be okay as long as I hurry.” Tyler rambled, surprised at how easily the lie came out.

“I don’t care,” Jenna insisted, placing her hands on his handlebars with a hard grip, “you need to turn around and go back to bed.”

“Jenna.” Tyler strained, wiggling the handlebars, trying to ply Jenna’s hands from it. She wouldn’t let go. He didn’t want to hurt her but this was important, he had to save Gabe. He pushed the bike hard towards Jenna, the front wheel going between her legs and the furtherest part of the handlebars hitting her stomach, causing her to release her hands and falling backwards.

Tyler peddled fast, there was no way that that hadn’t been caught on some type of camera. He raced towards the nursery, getting there in what had to be record time. He slowed down and jumped off his bike, running inside.

He had been to the nursery numerous times thanks to his father and Josh, he knew his way around pretty well. However, he had no idea where Gabe would be. His feet carried him to the newborn’s, hoping that Josh would be there to tell him where Gabriel would be. He slowed down when he came close to the room, being careful to be quiet. Even though he wanted to find Josh, he didn’t need to be seen by anyone else in the chance of getting caught.

He tip-toed around the corner, eyes quickly searching the room for anybody. He saw a girl towards the back of the room opposite of him and he saw Josh more towards the front of the room near Tyler. Josh’s attention was focused all on a baby that he was trying to lure to sleep, covering them up in a blanket and waving their comfort object softly in front of them.

Tyler felt a tug at his heart at the sight. He knew Josh would make a great dad one day, always taking extra care of the newborns and playing with children. He knew that Josh would probably make a better dad than him, he knew nothing about taking care of kids, even though he knew that he would want to have some of his own someday, ones besides Gabe. Tyler found himself thinking about the possibility of Josh being Gabe’s father, alongside himself. He and Josh, he thought, would make a cute little family with Gabe as their child. He made himself blush at the thought of him and Josh having more kids of their own someday, somewhere safe, beyond the Boundary of Memory. All of a sudden he craved Josh’s company, craved Josh, to be with him forever, for the rest of Tyler’s life. He wanted - no, needed - Josh to accompany him with Gabe on their journey to the Boundary of Memory. He slowly walked up towards where Josh was still willing the newborn to go to sleep.

“Josh.” he whispered, causing Josh to turn around. He looked at Tyler then at the girl that was still in the room, further away from them.

“What are you doing here?” Josh whispered back, moving so that he was blocking Tyler from the girl’s possible view if she were to look in their direction.

“I need-I need you to help me find Gabriel. It’s important, and I’m in a hurry.”

Josh stayed silent for a moment before nodding, not bothering to tell Tyler to go back to his family unit, that he should be sleeping, or that he couldn’t be there.

“I know where he is, but we have to be careful.”

“Yeah, of course. Where is he?”

“They’re shipping him off to Elsewhere tomorrow, I’ll take you to him.”

Tyler’s dreads were proven right with Josh’s words. They were going to kill Gabe. Josh led him back the way that Tyler had came, taking stairs leading down to the basement of the nursery. They were walking fast but still light on their feet, ever so careful not to step heavy and alert somebody. Tyler knew that they had cameras all of the nursery anyway, but that couldn’t exactly be avoided, he just needed to be fast to that they could get out of there before some type of security came.

“He’s right over here.” Josh said, and Tyler could swear that he could see worry on his face. “Tyler, what… what are you going to do with him?”

“I’m going to get him out of here, it’s not good for him. I can’t really explain it right now and you wouldn’t understand anyway, but you need to know that he can’t be here. I’m-I’m not  coming back Josh.”

“What do you mean?” Josh said, stepping closer to Tyler now. If Tyler were to move so much as half a step, he could probably kiss him.

“I’m leaving. Trust me that it’s important that I do and that it’ll benefit everybody, it’ll benefit you.”

“I-I won’t see you again? Ever?”

“Josh I… I’ve been-I want… I want you to come with me. And Gabe, me and Gabriel. I want you to come with. I… I love you, Josh.”

“Precision of language?”

Tyler tried not to roll his eyes, taking in a deep breath. Josh would never understand unless he crossed that boundary, and Josh’s restrictions of his feelings is what encouraged and inspired him to do so in the first place.

Tyler reached his hands to cup Josh’s face, one sliding down around his neck, and in one swift move, he lurched forward, closing his eyes, lips landing on Josh’s. Tyler had never tasted something so sweet before, even in all of the memories he’s experienced, nothing compared to the undeniably sweet taste of Josh’s lips. Josh remained unfazed, standing still and unmoving with Tyler pressing his lips to his. This silently broke Tyler’s heart, but he ignored it, and the kiss was over as soon as it started.

“What was that?” Josh asked, doe-eyed as Tyler’s hands left the other boy.

“It’s called a kiss.”

“I liked it.” Josh smiled, and Tyler’s heart warmed.

“Please come with me, Gabe will need you, I will need you.”

“Yes.” Josh whispered, still smiling.

“Good, but we need to get going, we need to hurry.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” Josh said, going over to the crib that Gabriel had been asleep in, picking the baby up.

“Okay, let’s go.”

The two were practically running back to the entrance where Tyler had left his bike. He hoped that it was still there, or that security weren’t on their way yet. Josh had Gabe pressed tightly to his chest, the baby still miraculously asleep.

They came to the entrance, Tyler pushing the double doors open with great force that they swung a full 180 degrees and hit the walls beside them. They ran down the short flight of stairs to where Tyler’s bike, thankfully, was still there. Tyler could see the security on their own motor bikes coming for them farther down the pathway.

“Get on.” Tyler told Josh, picking his bike up and sitting himself on the seat, positioning himself so he was ready to push off and start peddling. “Josh, come on, put Gabriel in the basket and stand on the back pegs, we need to hurry.”

Josh did as he was told, grabbing Tyler’s shoulders as he stood on the pegs of the bike. Security were practically at the nursery now, slowing down their motor bikes as Tyler pushed off the ground and petaled as fast as he could.

He knew that security were obviously fast than him, he knew that Josh and Gabe were slowing him down, that he would’ve gone a lot faster if he hadn’t asked Josh to come with him; but that wasn’t the point. He had to stand up at one point to give himself enough strength to petal fast enough, he was just barely ahead of the security. He was almost to the Giver’s home when he told Josh to jump off and try to grab the baby so he could jump off his bike as well, they needed to get inside before security could grab ahold of them.

Josh once again did as he was told, running fast along side Tyler so he could reach the basket of the bike, lifting Gabriel and pulling him safely out. Tyler then wrapped his leg around to the other, letting go of his bike and hearing it hit the ground. He grabbed Josh’s hand, pulling him and running to the Giver’s door, he needed the map, the one thing the Giver didn’t let him put in his backpack.

They managed to get inside before security could catch them, Tyler hearing them calling somebody on their watches. He let go of Josh’s hand once the other boy was safe inside the house. He had slammed the door and stood in the long hallway of the Giver’s house, catching his breath.

“Tyler,” Josh panted, “why are we here?”

“I need something, he wouldn’t let me take it back to my family unit today.”

Josh followed him down the long hallway and down the spiral staircase. Tyler looked back at his friend and saw his eyes filled with wonder, darting around the room at the books and the artwork all over the walls. And in a way it broke Tyler’s heart, remembering full well what it had felt like when he had first come here, not knowing what any these things were called, how different and foreign it had felt.

Seeing Josh inside the Giver’s home, where Tyler had learned and experienced everything that Josh had no clue about, where Tyler was constantly reminded that Josh was left out of all of it, where Tyler had truly began to live, he remembered. He remembered that a couple months ago, he had made himself the small promise that if he ever somehow got Josh here, he would show him his song. Tyler knew that they definitely didn’t have time for it, but it was so important to Tyler. He had spent months on it, and he wanted Josh to hear it. He didn’t know when the two of them would be back here, or anywhere near a piano for that matter. Tyler needed to do this.

“Come here,” he said softly, reaching to hold Josh’s hand again, softer this time, less urgent, “I want to show you something.”

Josh looked at him with curiosity, his big brown eyes glowing and yeah, Tyler was definitely in love. Tyler led him to the room with the piano, only to be met the Giver.

“Tyler, what are you doing here? Who’s this?”

Tyler walked fast up to the Giver, “Look, this is Josh, remember? The boy I’ve talked to you about, the one that I wrote my song about? I want to play it for him. And the baby’s Gabe, he’s practically mine.”

The Giver nodded in acknowledgement.

“The cameras in the community caught me and security’s upstairs. If you could do me this huge favor in telling them to leave or distracting them or something so I can do this… it’d be really, really appreciated.”

“Okay, yeah done.”

“I’m also leaving tonight. And they’re coming with me. I can’t stand it here any longer, and you know that. That’s the main reason why I came here, to get the map.”

“Okay, Tyler, I trust you. I’ll do whatever in my ability to keep you guys safe. If I don’t see you again before you leave, know that you’ve been like a son to me and that I hope you have safe travels to the Boundary of Memory.”

They gave each other a look that they both recognized as fondness. The situation was being rushed and although they both knew that, they knew that it was okay, because Tyler could do this. Tyler would get to the Boundary of Memory and release the memories from Before. Tyler knew that the Giver believed in him.

“I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.” Tyler whispered.

The Giver smiled and nodded, walking out of the room.

“What is that?” Josh asked once the Giver had left, walking towards the piano where Tyler was still standing.

“It’s called a piano. It’s part of what I wanted to show you,” Tyler explained, sitting down on the bench, “but what I really want to show you, is this.”

He started playing the opening notes to the song, his hands shaking in nervousness. Pretending to play this in front of Josh and actually doing it were two completely different things and he was starting to become anxious. He shouldn’t have done this, they should’ve grabbed the map and left, they would potentially be safe by now if Tyler wouldn’t be so selfish. He was coming up to the part where he would have to sing and he didn’t know if he would have the voice.

 

“ _You say things with your mouth_

_Cobwebs and flies come out_

_I hear a second voice behind your tongue somehow_

_Luckily I can read your mind_

_Flies and cobwebs unwind_

_They will not take you down_

_They will not cast you out, out._ ”

 

His voice wasn’t the best, he was shaking but he was trying. He had to remind himself that this was for Josh, a boy that he’s fallen in love with, and he needs to hear this. His rapping of the next part of the song was much more steady and he couldn’t believe he remembered the words.

 

“ _Won’t you stay alive_

_I’ll take you on a ride_

_I will make you believe you are lovely”_

 

By now Tyler had become more confident and it felt as if Josh wasn’t there, like he was just practicing again. His fingers flawlessly pressed over the keys, having more than memorized the song.

After the last note was played, the silence of the room took over and Tyler started to regret playing his song for Josh once again. Josh didn’t know what the word lovely even meant.

“Ty… is-was that about me?”

Tyler looked up and saw Josh standing right next to the piano. He didn’t notice that he had walked across the room. Josh was clutching Gabe to his chest, as if he were scared or anticipating something. His face, however, showed otherwise. Josh’s eyes were practically sparkling, his eyebrows were raised and Tyler could even see a hit of blush on his cheeks.

“Yeah, I’ve-I’ve worked really hard on it. I really do love you, Josh.”

Josh opened his mouth, but Tyler stopped him before he could say something.

“I know you don’t know what that means, but you will. That’s the reason why I have to go away, where we’re going. It’s why I asked you to come with me.”

“What is that called? What you just did?”

“It’s called ‘Lovely’, a song that I wrote for you.”

“I really like it, Tyler. You did such a good job, I could-I could never do that. You’re so…,” Josh sighed, frustrated and relaxing his grip on Gabe, “I can’t describe it, I don’t know what the word is. But you’re good, Tyler.”

Tyler smiled, happy that Josh liked it. Josh’s inability to tell him that he thought he was something else, more, than good just gave him more inspiration to release the memories.

“Thank you. I hope to write more someday.”

“I hope you to, too.”

Silence took over the room again, but this time it was a comfortable silence; both of the boys smiling at each other in solidarity. Tyler stood up slowly from the piano bench, placing his hand in the small of Josh’s back.

“We should get going, we really don’t have enough time to stay.” Tyler said, softly.

Josh nodded his head in agreement and the walked out of the room back into the main room. Tyler saw the Giver rushing down the spiral staircase from outside.

“You guys have got to go. Now. The president is about to call me, you guys can’t be here,” the Giver babbled, now at the bottom of the stairs and practically jogging to Tyler and Josh, “Here,” he said, handing the map out of his pocket to Tyler, “take it and go. I trust and believe in you Tyler and I really do wish you guys safe travels.”

“I’m really going to miss you.” Tyler said, trying not to let tears surface. The reality that this was probably going to be the last time he would see the Giver finally setting in.

“I will too. Now get going.”

Tyler gave him a quick hug before grabbing Josh’s hand once again and leading him up the spiral staircase. Walking down the hallway the feeling set in that that was the last time that he would ever be in that room.

Tyler pushed the door open and they were outside. Security was still there but they were all on their walkie talkies. Tyler was about to grab his bike when he realized that there was a guard who left his motorbike unattended. Tyler pulled Josh along towards the motorbike and Tyler didn’t have to explain anything to Josh as they settled themselves on the seat, putting Gabe in the front basket.

Tyler started the motorbike and he didn’t look back as it roared to life and they pushed off at full speed. Tyler was heading back towards the community but only by a little ways, he needed to get work up his speed with distance if they were going to make it over the Edge. Tyler knew that Josh knew that they were going over the Edge, at least he should considering that he agreed to “leave and never come back” with Tyler.

He turned the motorbike around and started at full speed again, heading towards the Edge now. Tyler felt Josh’s arms clasp tighter around Tyler’s waist as they closed the distance between them and the Edge. They were falling before Tyler knew it and he released the pressure on the gas, completely free falling. He balanced the motorbike so that they would land full-well on the bike, tires hitting the ground. Tyler didn’t think this part through, he barely had any time to think now; anything other than flight or fight instinct was no longer important to him. He should’ve prepared more for this part of the journey rather than what else is out there. If he doesn’t make the drop from the community to “Elsewhere” then this will all be worthless, they would all really be going to Elsewhere.

He closed his eyes, gripping the handles so hard almost his entire hand was white. He felt the sudden jolt of the ground and heard Gabe wail, but they were moving forward. He opened his eyes and they had landed fine. Tyler went again at full speed.

He began to recognized that the environment they were in was a desert. He looked around to the horizons and it was all he could see in all directions. He tried not to worry about them starving or dying of dehydration, and instead tried to focus on getting them as far and close as possible to the Boundary of Memory that the motorbike would take them. He knew the gas wouldn’t last forever and remembered that the Giver had told him that the boundary could be years away.

Tyler lost track of time, just rode for ages. He felt Josh lean his head on his backpack and part of his shoulder, asleep. Gabe had stopped crying not long after he started, Josh tried to calm him, but when Josh wasn’t looking Tyler had slipped him happy and encouraging memories, calming the baby down.

He himself kept all of the powerful and encouraging memories the Giver had shown him in mind as he pushed on. Memories of protest, people on the streets fighting for their rights. Memories that were important moments in history, in Before; women gaining their equal rights, people gaining their rights to marry whomever they loved, countries being relieved in the end of a war. He pushed on, for himself, for Gabe, but mostly for Josh. Josh inspired him more than those memories ever did.

They traveled on the motorbike well into the night and although Tyler grew tired, he pushed on. He saw the sunrise over the sun dunes and Tyler cried. The sight had been so beautiful and sure, he had experienced sunrises in memories, but they were memories and he had fully experienced it as it happened in real time as it happened.

Not long after the sun had risen, and Josh had woken up along with Gabe, they approached an oasis. Tyler knew they needed to keep going, but he didn’t know when the next time would be when they would be able to drink fresh water. So Tyler turned his head to Josh, explaining that they were going to stop for water and Josh just muttered a “good idea”, and laid his head against Tyler’s backpack again.

They slowed down and Josh got off the motorbike, immediately stretching. Tyler grabbed Gabe out of the basket and walked with him towards the pond. Tyler was practically drinking the water like a dog, he hadn’t realized how truly thirsty he had been. Josh walked over and began drinking the water as well. They were both so thirsty and the water was so fresh and cool, Tyler wanted to swim in it.

Josh mentioned to Tyler that he needed a bathroom break before going again and went behind one of the few trees. Tyler gave his friend his privacy and walked back toward the bike, getting out Gabe’s bottle from his backpack.

He fed the baby while patiently waiting for Josh to finish. He could faintly see mountains in the far distance and thought that they could possibly be the boundary. Josh walked up next to him, announcing that he was done, breaking Tyler out of his thoughts. He handed the baby to Josh and went behind one of the trees, taking his own piss break. When he was done, he got out the map.

He had been right. At least according to the map, the Boundary of Memory was somewhere not far beyond the beginnings of the mountains.

“It’s not too much further, see those mountains?” Tyler said.

“Those pointy things? Over there?” Josh asked, pointing towards them.

“Yeah,” and Tyler felt a little bad for forgetting that Josh didn’t know what mountains were, “that’s where we’re heading. So not much longer, hopefully.”

“Sounds good.”

Josh carefully placed Gabe back in the basket and hoped on the bike, “I can drive for a while if you want me to, sense I know where we’re going now,” letting out a small chuckle.

“Yeah, sure, okay. Just you know, keep going straight, no turns or anything.”

“Okay.”

Josh scooted up on the seat and wrapped his hands around the handlebars. Tyler sat down behind him and slid his arms around the other boy’s waist, trying not to make himself blush. Josh started up the motorbike once again and they were off, driving once again through the desert.

It didn’t take long for Tyler so fall asleep, despite the hot sun beating down on them. He was actually surprised that he had fallen asleep, he had been so driven. But if they were going to make it as far as the mountains, he needed his rest.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been sleeping, the next thing he knew that they were stopped and Josh was carefully shaking him awake.

“Tyler, Tyler, wake up, please?” He heard Josh say. He opened his eyes and saw Josh with a worried expression on his slightly sunburned face. “Oh, thank god, Ty. Sorry to wake you, but um-“

“Why are we stopped?”

“That-That’s the thing,” Josh was nervously fiddling with his fingers and Tyler could tell that he was trying not to look at him, “We-I think. I think we ran out of gas. The bike won’t start up again, I swear I didn’t do anything. We just started slowing down and I didn’t want to wake you up but now we’re-“

“Josh, hey, hey,” Tyler stood up, getting off the bike and placing a hand on Josh’s shoulder. Josh looked at him now and Tyler could see tears coming out of the boy’s eyes, “It’s okay, okay? I knew it would happen eventually, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Wha-What’s happening?” Josh asked, wiping cautiously at his wet cheeks.

Tyler couldn’t help but let out a little laugh, “Josh… you’re crying. It’s okay.”

“Crying?”

“Yeah, it’s normal trust me, I do it all the time. You can’t really control it, it’s okay, I promise.”

Josh looked so worried, Tyler felt bad. He remembered the first time he had cried and how confused he was. The Giver had told him what he’s telling Josh - that everything was okay and that crying is a normal thing to do.

“Okay…” Josh mumbled, wiping his eyes. After a long pause and after the tears had stopped leaking out of his eyes he asked, “Did you learn that from being a Giver?”

“Yeah.” Tyler sighed.

“How come I’m not - nobody’s not allowed to know these things if they’re normal?”

“It’s hard to explain, Josh. But where we’re going, if everything goes as planned, you’ll know. You and everybody else will know everything I and the Giver know. That’s why we’re out here.”

Josh nodded, “Good, I want to know. And I want to know what this feeling is that I have for you. Every time I look at you, Tyler, I feel it and every time you hold my hand I feel it and… when you gave me the kiss I felt it.”

Tyler didn’t know what to say to that. How Josh could say that, when all he knew was that he and Tyler were friends. In a way, it broke Tyler’s heart to hear Josh say it like it was almost an annoyance for him to have whatever feeling he was having. And Tyler wanted desperately to help Josh figure it out, but he couldn’t. But in another way, it gave Tyler hope; that maybe they felt the same thing. That Josh loved him too. Tyler was so focused on trying to figure Josh’s feelings out that he forgot that Josh was waiting for a response.

“Y-Yeah, you’ll know it and figure it out or whatever when we cross the boundary. The Boundary of Memory, that is. Where we’re going.” And shit, that was the most vague and choppy sentence Tyler had ever spoken. How was he supposed to even speak when Josh told him things like that?

They both stood there, glaring at each other and Tyler grew jittery, wanted something to distract him so he didn’t have to deal with this, not right now. He remembered that, oh yeah, the bike’s ran out of gas.

“Well, I guess we better start walking.” Tyler spoke up.

“Okay.” Josh said and grabbed Gabe out of the motorbike’s basket, carrying him.

Tyler wasn’t focused on it when he had woke up, but the mountains were definitely closer now, but they were still in the desert. The mountains looked like a larger range than what Tyler had expected and started to worry about just how far in the boundary could be.

He could also hear the faint roar of water rushing from somewhere, but didn’t see any. He hoped he wasn’t already starting to have hallucinations from being out in the desert for so long. He could, however, see that the sand dunes were no longer, the ground wasn’t as sandy. They were practically walking on solid sock, maybe sandstone.

Time seemed to drift away, that they had been walking in silence for however long towards mountains that seemed to stay in place, never getting closer. For being best friends, Tyler thought, he and Josh should be talking a lot more than just the handful of sentences that they’ve spoken to each other since last night. He realized that Josh had stopped talking to him after he had performed Lovely for him, and yeah, he thought, he screwed up.

 

-

 

All of a sudden that distant rush of water Tyler heard earlier seemed a lot closer. He didn’t recall it ever gaining volume, he had been so zoned out, so drained from walking in the desert. After walking a little further, the environment of the desert began to disappear. There were bushes, patches of grass, he even saw a snake. Before he knew it, the sand had left from under their feet and they were walking on dry grass and rock. 

They walked up a hill, finally something that wasn’t flat, Tyler thought. However, he didn’t realize how exhausted he actually was, tugging up the hill. Once over the hill, they were met with a waterfall, but the wrong end. The ground suddenly gave off, a sharp cliff cutting through the land. He could see the small river come from his right, having only now noticed that they were over the hill.

“What now?” Josh spoke up.

Before Tyler could even answer, they heard a loud rumbling, something different from the water, something that couldn’t be from nature. The two boys looked up, realizing it was coming from somewhere above them. Flying towards them was a fighter jet.

Tyler and Josh met each others eyes, and Tyler tried not to notice that that had been the first time they made eye contact in over a day. They had only locked eyes for a quick moment before a voice was yelling over the jet’s speaker.

“Josh, what are you doing?” Tyler immediately recognized the voice. It was Jenna. “Why are you with him? You know how dangerous he is, what he’s trying to do? He’s going to send us back to Before trying to do what he’s doing. Come back with me, Josh, before it’s too late.”

“What do you mean ‘before it’s too late’?” Josh yelled.

“Before things get bad. I’ve been ordered by the president to come after you two, and to give you this option, Josh. Tyler is too far gone. I’ve been ordered to kill him.”

Tyler’s eyes widened and panic rose within him. There was no way he was going to die right now. Not here, not with leaving Gabe helpless, not in front of Josh, not so far from the boundary.

“Jenna, you don’t have to do this! They don’t know! Everything is going to be better if I do this, you have to trust me!”

Nothing but silence from Jenna’s end. Her fighter jet just hovering in the air above them.

“Ty, you know I’m not-“ Josh began but he couldn’t get anything else out before Jenna was lowering her jet, lowering the mechanical claw.

She had picked both of them up with the jet. Tyler could see Josh gripping Gabe with such protection that he could let out a sigh of relief knowing that Gabe was still with them. The jet moved only until the were hovering over the waterfall.

“Consider this a warning. You’re lucky you’ve been my friends. Now go, Tyler. And do whatever it is you need to do. I trust you.” Jenna said less aggressive than before.

And before Tyler or Josh could say anything, the claw of the jet had released them. The next thing Tyler knew was that they were falling and then hitting the water of the bottom of the waterfall with a sharp splash. He hardly had time to register that he should probably take a breath before going under.

Tyler pushed himself back up, swimming to the surface. He was treading water and all he could hear was Gabe’s cries. He could barely see Josh and the baby a little farther behind him with all the water in his eyes.

“Josh!” He yelled.

“Tyler!”

He tried to swim against the current to try to get to them, but the water was too strong.

“Josh, try to swim off to the side, to the edge of the river!”

He tried to do the same, straining himself to swim sideways against the current. He eventually made it, crawling out of the river. He stood up and turned around, seeing Josh coming up to him rather quickly, Gabe still crying and Josh still holding onto him with one arm. Tyler knew he had to react fast, otherwise Josh and Gabe might continue down stream and that’ll be the last he sees of them.

He knelt down and stuck his hand out as far as he could, waiting for Josh to swim to him. Josh caught onto him, and it took all of the strength Tyler had left into him to hang onto him.

“Ty, don’t-don’t let go of me, please.”

“I’m not going to.”

He wrapped his other hand out to pull Josh and Gabe out of the water. It took all he had in him, but he managed to pull the two to the edge and up out of the river. They were all catching their breath, Gabe still violently crying. Josh was rocking the baby back and forth in attempt to calm him.

Josh had gotten Gabe to stop crying, which hadn’t taken very long, only reminding Tyler of how great he is with babies. Tyler wanted to be a set of parents with Josh so bad, wanted them to be Gabe’s dads. But Tyler knew that Josh would probably freak out over the idea of two young men raising a baby together, at least he would without the memory of two men being parents.

“Shit, Josh, I’m so sorry,” he spoke up, “I didn’t mean for you to get involved in all this. I knew that they would be after me, that they disagree with what I’m doing and want to stop me. I didn’t know that they would send Jenna after me. I knew about the dangers of doing this and didn’t think about it when I asked you to come with me. I mean, you could’ve drowned just now. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to come, I was being selfish.”

“I… I think I want to. Want to be involved.” Josh said, Tyler looking up and making eye contact with him. Josh’s eyes were so deep and sincere and Tyler could tell that Josh meant it, even if he didn’t think he would.

“I really do love you, Josh. Again, I know you don’t know what that means but where we’re going, when we get there, you will.”

They gave each other small smiles.

They had hydrated themselves by drinking the water from the river and even though it wasn’t as fresh or cold as the pond in the oasis, it still felt refreshing and it was much needed. They fed Gabe as well and took their own bathroom breaks once again before heading off, continuing to walk towards the mountains.

 

-

 

They had walked and walked and walked. Tyler could swear that he had never seen the mountains get any closer but they eventually made it. Beyond the waterfall was no longer a desert, but merely a prairie that had eventually led to the mountains. The river had curved away from the direction they were heading and they had made sure to stop for another drink before they continued their journey. 

Josh had bundled Gabe safely in Tyler’s backpack. He had to move some things around and into other pockets but the baby fit quite perfectly. He zipped it up so that he wouldn’t fall out but his head was still exposed to the crisp air. He also covered him with the blanket that Tyler had stored in the backpack, giving the baby warmth before they began their hike up the mountains.

They hadn’t made it up that far, probably only a good fifty feet, before the sun had started to set. They agreed that they should stop to sleep for the night, knowing that it could be dangerous to travel in the mountains at night; they wouldn’t exactly be able to see much and they couldn’t risk one another falling or getting injured.

Tyler had managed to make a small fire that somehow lasted until they had fallen asleep. They decided to take the blanket that Gabe was wrapped in to lay down on, meaning that Tyler and Josh were essentially sharing a makeshift bed and Tyler had been trying to will his face to stop reddening but he couldn’t stop thinking about that this is what it could be. That sharing a bed with Josh could become something normal.

They had Gabe settled in-between them, keeping the baby as warm as they could. And of course, this didn’t help Tyler’s fantasies of becoming a family with the two. The idea of falling asleep like this every night, in an actual bed, somewhere cozy, warm and soft, made something stir in Tyler’s stomach. He craved his fantasy of being a couple, or married even, with Josh to become real. An alternate world where Josh knew what love was and could love him back.

He knew that the second he passed through the Boundary of Memory that Josh would know what he meant when he told him he loved him. Josh would know what all the lyrics in Lovely meant, and what the message was. He didn’t want to think about Josh getting mad or disgusted at Tyler for loving him, pretended that it couldn’t be a possibility.

So Tyler fell asleep pretending that they were on a bed, in a warm house, in love and caring for their adoptive son.

 

-

 

Climbing the mountains was harder than Tyler had imagined it would be. He knew that people had climbed them in Before, but the Giver had never shared a rock climbing memory with him, much less hiking through mountains. The mountains were freezing and only grew colder the higher they climbed. The winds were harsh and Tyler tried not to worry about the baby. 

Gabriel was still so young and the poor baby had never been outside of the community, none of them have, but Tyler knew that he was more prone to getting sick over himself and Josh. Josh knew this too, and checked the baby every once in a while to make sure he was doing okay.

Josh had been doing surprisingly well due to the circumstances. If Tyler was being honest, he hadn’t expected the other boy to last this long. He thought that he would leave and go back to the community long ago, way before they had been able to even see the mountains. Tyler wasn’t going to complain though, he couldn’t be happier that he had decided to stick around and go through with Tyler along his journey.

Because the two boys were so inexperienced with climbing and hiking through mountains, it took them longer to travel through them. The both of them had slipped multiple times, and took a little over what seemed to be an hour to get their footing right, and even after that they still came close to losing their footing. Tyler made sure that Josh didn’t fall too far behind him, waiting for him when Josh would grow slow or when Tyler would speed up a particularly flat area.

They came to a immensely steep part of the mountain and Tyler was holding on to the thin rocks for dear life. He could see the top, about fifty yards above them and they would be walking over and down the other side. His hands were already almost frozen as they were, wishing that gloves had existed in the community so that he could’ve packed them. His fingertips were practically purple, already having acknowledged that he probably had frost bite. Josh wasn’t much better, his hands in the same condition. As close as they were to the crest of the edge of the steep mountainside, Tyler realized that this was going to be the hardest part, getting themselves up and passed these fifty yards were the most challenging part of their journey yet. That is, Tyler thought, unless they run into any wild animals, which he wasn’t too sure if they would exist this far out or not.

All of a sudden, breaking Tyler from his thought, he heard Josh let out what sounded like a mix of a gasp and a groan. He looked down below him, seeing Josh just diagonally below his feet. He could see that Josh was struggling to keep himself on the rocks, his feet barely resting on the thin, short rocks, his fingers straining in attempt to keep himself in place.

“Josh, do you need help?”

“I-yeah I need help. Please.” Josh said looking down at his feet, eyebrows furrowed together.

“Here,” Tyler said, trying to keep his voice steady, reaching down his hand as far as he could without falling himself, “look at me,” Josh looked up right into Tyler’s eyes and Tyler could see the slight fear in them, surrounded by worry. “Take my hand,” Tyler said, emphasizing his gesture my flexing his fingers, extending them.

Josh looked between him and his hand and back at Tyler, “I don’t want to fall, Ty.”

“You won’t, I promise I got you. Grab my hand Josh.”

Josh looked Tyler in the eyes again before rapidly reaching for his hand, gripping Tyler’s hand so hard Tyler could faintly feel the pressure with what feeling he had left in them.

“I got you, I got you. I’m gonna try and pull you up with me, okay? We’re almost there.” Tyler said, trying to remain calm and confident. Because if Josh fell, if Tyler let him slip out of his hand, he might as well fall off the mountain with him.

Tyler used all the strength he had in him, but he managed to do it. He somehow got himself along with Josh up the rest of the fifty yards of the mountain, all with a baby on his back in his backpack. He had gripped onto Josh’s hand the entire time, Josh right beside him as he guided him where to put his feet and other hand. Once he had pulled Josh up to be at the same level as him, he could see the fear and worry almost completely leave his eyes.

Now, at the top of the mountain, Tyler was lying in the snow trying to catch his breath as Josh fed Gabe. The baby thankfully hadn’t been to fussy during this entire trip, hardly ever crying. But then again Tyler had been sharing happy and beautiful memories full of strength and perseverance, keeping the baby from becoming faithless and tired. In addition, Josh is the best nurse that Tyler knows, even better than his father, always making sure that the baby was comfortable, having clean diapers and been fed.

Standing up, Tyler looked around. The only thing he could see were more mountains, sadly proving the map right, it was an entire mountain range. They had only climbed half of one of the tens of mountains. He couldn’t help but feel defeated. Tyler had definitely had doubts about this journey, sure, but he never felt like giving up until know. As far as he could see there wasn’t any line or pole or anything that indicated a boundary. He knew from what the map told him that the Boundary of Memory was definitely somewhere within the mountain rage, although it didn’t look too far into it.

“How much farther is it?” Josh asked, somehow making the reality of the situation sink in harder.

Tyler turned his head, looking at Josh, “I… I don’t know. I don’t see anything that would indicate a boundary.”

Josh nodded his head and after a long eerie pause of silence between the two said, “Well I guess we better keep going. We’ve come to far to turn back and if we do you could be sent to-wait.” The idea of Tyler being sent to Elsewhere when they were already technically in Elsewhere set in on Josh and Tyler could see his face contort in confusion.

“Yeah… that’s another thing I was eventually going to tell you.”

Josh looked at him with his eyebrows furrowed, eyes pleading with fear and confusion, and his hands gripping the air, trying to grasp the fact that Elsewhere couldn’t really be a place.

“Elsewhere,” Tyler started to explain, walking up closer to Josh, “it’s not really a place beyond the community, it’s-“ and Tyler thought for a split second of showing Josh a memory of death, but decided against it almost immediately, “it’s… something that happens to you rather that somewhere you go. They, anyone who sends anyone to Elsewhere, are killing the other person. I know you don’t know what killing is or what it means but you’ll find out when we pass the boundary, okay?”

Josh looked somewhat satisfied with the answer, he’d take what he could get for now. “Oh, okay. Why-Why wouldn’t they tell us that it’s not actually a place? What am I doing to the babies that _I_ send to Elsewhere? Am I… Do I kill them?”

As much as it pained Tyler to say it, he knew that Josh deserved the truth, no matter how little he would understand it. “Yeah, Josh, you do. It’s fine though because you didn’t know, they don’t tell us so nobody does. I promise I’ll explain everything and answer any questions you have about anything once we pass the boundary okay?”

“Okay.” Josh said, “I hope we get there soon because I really need to know what I did to them, what killing is.”

Tyler gave him a small smile, “I hope we do, too.”

 

-

 

They had been hiking down the mountain for what felt like hours. They couldn’t see the tens of other mountains anymore, they couldn’t really see anything anymore except for snow and trees. The snow here was almost up to their knees, only making it harder to walk through and taking more time in the overall process of reaching the Boundary of Memory. 

It had gradually gotten darker over the corse of coming down the mountain, Tyler figuring out that they probably only had about an hour of light left before it got dark. Tyler had come to the conclusion that they probably wouldn’t reach the boundary that day once he had seen how big the mountain rage truly was. His mind was already on the subject of where they were going to camp out for the night without worrying about the possibility of being buried in snow.

His mind also wandered to the fact that they were all freezing, not having the proper clothing for weather like this. Game was still in his backpack, wrapped up in the blanket. But Tyler knew that the blanket will only do so good for so long, that the baby could suffer frost bite. Tyler and Josh already had frost bite in their fingers, and have since they had woken up that morning. He wished that he hadn’t dragged them along.

He was right in his feelings to want to protect the two, but he was putting their lives at risk for a mission he could’ve and should’ve done himself. He was selfish, and he knew that, he hadn’t thought of the possibility of one of them dying until now. The Giver had warned him that it could be a year’s worth of traveling away, that there was the possibility of him getting hurt or dying during this journey. And while Tyler had been fully prepared to die, he wasn’t prepared for Josh or Gabe to die, hadn’t even considered it until they were all freezing and Tyler only had a small amount of hope left.

He was so close to giving up, when he began to have a feeling of familiarity in his chest, like he had been here before. He looked up, and he had started to recognize the area they were in, even though he had never been here before. He looked closer, into the details of their surroundings, like where exactly the branches on the trees were and how deep the snow was.

About thirty feet away, he saw a sled. He immediately recognized the sled from the memory that the Giver had shown him of sledding, snow, and joy. Once he had recognized the sled, he remembered the area as part of that memory and that the steps he was taking were the ones he had taken in the memory. Was the memory really a memory or a peak into the future? He felt an overwhelming sense of deja vu.

“Josh!” Tyler yelled, breaking their hours of silence, “I know where we are!”

“What?”

“I…I’ve been here before. Like, in a memory. It’s hard to explain right now, but when we pass the boundary I’ll elaborate more on this but… I think I know what we have to do.”

“Okay…” Josh said with a nervous tone, however he walked faster to catch up to Tyler who was a few feet in front of him. “What do we need to do?”

“Remember what I showed you with the trays from the cafeteria? We’re going to do that with that.” Tyler said, pointing to the sled, practically in front of them now. 

“Okay, I trust you.” Josh said, stopping in his tracks and looking at Tyler. 

Tyler gave him a smile and told him to sit on the back of the sled while he sat in front. Josh laced his arms around Tyler’s waist once again and Tyler couldn’t stop the blush from warming his cheeks. He had admittingly missed the feeling of the other boy’s hands on him. Josh lifted his legs onto the sled, wrapping them around Tyler’s waist as well and sitting on the outsides of his legs. Gabe was still on Tyler’s back in his backpack, between the two boys.

Tyler scooted the sled with his body and soon the began their slow decent down the hill. After gaining some momentum, their speed increased. They were passing trees, gliding over the snow, and Tyler remembered everything from the memory. Josh and Gabe were letting out laughs behind him, the two in pure joy from never experiencing something so fun and innocent before, and in the environment of the mountains no less. 

Tyler saw what looked like huge purple-tinted glass not too far ahead of them. When the went through it, realizing that it wasn’t glass at all, Tyler felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Looking back, he could see that what they just went through went as far left and right as he could see and was taller than trees. He knew now that that had been the Boundary of Memory. What he was feeling was the memories he held being released. 

The hill met the ground and they slowed down, coming to a slow and eventual stop. In front of them, just like in the memory, was a cabin. Not a cabin like the Giver’s, but a cabin that was made out of wood, with a chimney made out of stone. There were lights on inside and smoke coming from the chimney. Everything about the place screamed warmth. 

“Tyler,” Josh said, all of a sudden serious. Tyler turned his head and looked back at his best friend, “I remember.”


	2. Josh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh not only remembers everything from Before, but he understands what Tyler meant we he had told him he loves him. Josh is dying to know what the song meant and tries to confront Tyler about his feelings towards him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off thank you for all of your comments omg !! I didn't think that this would be that good but I'm so happy that you guys like and love it !!
> 
> This chapter is also unbetaed so again I apologize if there's any errors and just letting you know again that I tried to base Tyler and Josh off of both the characters in the Giver and themselves so if anyone's ooc I'm sorry for that too.
> 
> Otherwise yeah, this chapter is gonna get really fluffy and gushy lovey-dovey and emo idk why I write all of my fics to be really romantic but whatever I hope you guys like it !!

Josh couldn’t really explain it if you asked him. Just the second that they passed through the Boundary of Memory, he remembered everything from Before. All at once he could see color, he knew what the white stuff was called, he knew what everything was, everything that Tyler had been talking about that he previously couldn’t understand, he all of a sudden did. And it was so beautiful; the snow, the trees, Tyler. That was what was most important, he knew what Tyler meant when he had told Josh that he loved him. Josh was overwhelmed and crying, he couldn’t handle this much information at once, everything from Before.

But it was okay because a beautiful boy was in front of him, facing him with his hands cupping his cheeks, telling him that it was okay. And Josh could fully understand crying now, which only made him cry more.

“It’s okay, I cried a lot, too. It’s a lot to take in.” Tyler coxed him.

Once Josh had finished crying and was able to somewhat go on with their day after everything that had just been given to him, they had gotten up off the sled and walked toward the cabin. Tyler had knocked on the door a series of three times and nobody answered, so they tried the door and it was unlocked. They gave each other a look before stepping inside to check the place out.

They found nobody inside, no notes of someone leaving and when they’d be expected back. Despite the lack of another person, the place looked like it was being lived in. There was a fire going in the fireplace, blankets and furniture with soft cushions everywhere. Hardwood floors covered the entire cabin, a round table with four chairs in the small kitchen, and a bathroom and two bedrooms upstairs. The basement was cooler and they had discovered more sleds along with a toboggan and a closet full of snowsuits and snowshoes.

They had gotten themselves somewhat settled, first warming up by the fire before helping themselves to some hot tea and filling Gabriel’s bottle with more milk. The fridge and cabinets were full of food, tableware and silverware.

Someone had definitely had to live here, and they wouldn’t just leave a fire going without coming back to it within a short amount of time. However, they waited and waited and nobody came. Night began to fall and the fire began to dwindle. They had helped themselves to a couple sandwiches, hoping that once again the person or people that lived here wouldn’t mind.

They stayed up until the fire was practically out and still no one came to the cabin. Tyler said that he thought they might as well put Gabriel to sleep. The two ventured upstairs once again to the smaller bedroom.

It was a nursery, complete with yellow walls, a toy chest and a crib. The room also held a changing station and the small cabinets were filled with diapers and wipes. Josh changed the baby, laid him down gently in the crib, covering him up with the few blankets, and sang him a quiet lullaby. Tyler was watching him from the doorway and Josh knew that he was there, but he decided to ignore him from now. Ignore that feeling deep in his stomach that made him think of how well Tyler and him would be as parents.

The memories from Before that Josh knew and remembered now had shown him that it was okay for two men to be parents and to love each other. He was a little conflicted at first; two men or two women as parents was something that didn’t happen in the community. It had always been man and woman. Don’t get him wrong - he didn’t see anything wrong with same sex couples - the transition from everything that he told and raised on to remembering all of this new information from Before was a little hard to take in, it made his head hurt.

He planned on asking Tyler why the community and the Elders thought that same sex couples were bad, or why it had always been men and women as parents, never two dads or two moms. He wanted to ask Tyler a lot more than that. He wanted to know why Tyler kept all of this information from him for so long, how Tyler had felt when he was given these memories. What he wanted to ask Tyler most though, was why he had written a song about him, why Tyler said he loved him.

He stood up from crouching down next to Gabriel’s crib and turned to Tyler. Tyler had a small smile on his face that Josh thought Tyler didn’t know was there, wasn’t aware that he was letting his teeth slightly show and his one dimple in his left cheek appear. Josh was slightly taken aback by the image, realizing how truly beautiful Tyler was, now that he knew what beauty was.

His hair was a nice brown, a darker chocolate color. His eyes were an even darker brown, so dark that Josh almost couldn’t see his pupils, but he could. His lips were an almost perfect shade of reddish pink; the shade reminded Josh of memories of the colors attributed with ballerinas.

“I um,” Tyler spoke, his voice rough from not talking in a while, “I’m getting kinda tired. I know we shouldn’t be in another person’s house, but I don’t think they’re coming back tonight since it’s pretty late and they’re not back yet. There’s only one bed in the other one but… I don’t want… I don’t want you sleeping alone downstairs or something in case they do come back.”

Tyler wanted Josh to sleep with him in the same bed. Josh tried not to let his face turn pink because he knew what sharing the same bed meant know, before he would think Tyler was weird for even having offered to share the same bed. Josh also knew now, however, that friends used to share beds as well. He knew he was overthinking it and he needed to give Tyler an answer.

“Yeah, yeah I don’t mind sharing the bed, that’d be fine.” Josh told him, somehow sounding more confident in his answer than he actually was.

They walked down the short hallway to the bigger room, the bed made and big enough that it could fit the two of them with some space left.

Tyler let out a sigh, “Hold on, let me go grab my backpack from downstairs. If someone does come inside I don’t want them stealing anything.”

Josh nodded, “Yeah, okay.”

“Be right back.” Tyler said and turned to go back down the hallway and stairs to grab his backpack.

Okay, Josh thought, don’t freak out. For all he knew, it was only one night that they were going to have to share this bed. It’s not that he didn’t want to share a bed with Tyler, he did, he had just never shared a bed with anyone ever and didn’t want Tyler to think that he was nervous or weird. He had forgotten that Tyler has probably never shared a bed with anyone either, and that made him feel a little better.

He was mainly nervous because Josh knew that Tyler loved him, what that meant now, and he didn’t want Tyler to think that Josh didn’t love him back. Josh wasn’t completely sure whether or not he loved Tyler, but he definitely liked him more than a friend should.

Before Josh could put anymore thought to it, Tyler was back in the room, shutting the door behind him with his backpack hanging from his hand.

“I locked the door by the way. Thought that would be a safe and good idea.”

“Yeah, definitely.” Josh said, scooting over on the bed to give Tyler room to get settled in next to him.

They pulled the blankets up and over themselves and Tyler turned off the lamp. They whispered their goodnights and Josh turned to face away from Tyler. He was getting distracted by his best friend and he needed all the rest he could get after the exhausting journey they had completed a handful of hours ago.

He expected that Tyler knew that he had a lot of questions and Josh didn’t want to bombard him. Not only was he exhausted but he knew that Tyler was too, he should save all of his questions for the next day. He didn’t really even want to think about the next day, about the idea of whosever cabin this was to come back and find two boys and a baby in their house, in their beds, having ate their food and drank their tea. Josh wanted to stay here forever; this is exactly what he wanted.

He had shortly come to terms with it not long having settled into the cabin. After Josh had processed all of the memories from Before and after they had helped themselves to those sandwiches, Josh decided that all he wanted to do for the rest of his life was be here with Tyler. Away from something toxic and conservative as the community, far enough into the mountains, in a cabin that was warm and surrounded by snow with Tyler. Josh wanted to raise Gabriel with Tyler, be parents to him with the other boy.

The memories might have exposed what the community truly was and how bad of a place it was to live, but he still had the instinct and drive to care for babies, to care for Gabriel. The memories didn’t only make him remember everything from Before and expose the limited and conservative Community, but it also gave him a much more extensive vocabulary and access to more complex emotions. He was about to put words to the emotions he had been feeling during the entire journey; how he had been confused and worried for Tyler when the other boy had approached him in the nursery, how he had been worried for Tyler’s safety when Jenna had come for them, had wanted to send Tyler to Elsewhere.

Elsewhere. Killing. Josh now knew what those words meant and even though Tyler had said before they had reached the boundary that he would elaborate once they had crossed it was killing was, but Josh knew. He knew what killing was and didn’t want to believe that that’s what the officials in the community had branded as “Elsewhere”. He didn’t want to believe that he had sent innocent, newborn babies to Elsewhere. His lips quivered, shaking trying to mouth the word. Elsewhere. He had killed them.

He was falling asleep in a warm bed with heavy blankets with his best friend at his side and for a moment, that’s all he could think about. All he wanted was to be with Tyler, with Tyler he felt safe. The cruel intentions of the community and the idea of killing anyone who didn’t fit in and Josh having a part in that, drifting away from his thoughts, replaced by the warm boy next to him.

Tyler was already asleep and Josh could hear the quietest of snores coming from his mouth; Josh thought about how cute he probably looked. Josh thought about ballerina pink lips and deep brown eyes full of memories and fell asleep.

 

-

 

When he woke up, he was facing the opposite way. His arm was draped over Tyler’s waist and his face was almost smashed against Tyler’s shoulder. Soft light was coming in through the thin white curtains and Josh felt warm. With something as wonderful, quiet and soft as snow piled outside and basically cuddled up next to a beautiful sleeping Tyler under layers of blankets, he felt warm and at home.

Home. He never knew what a home was or what it had meant until the day before, having gained all of these new emotions and memories. But now he knew for sure that home was whenever he was with Tyler. He had never felt these strong of feelings toward someone before, let alone another boy. Sure, he had hoped in the fourth grade that a girl named Debby would be who he got paired with to be parents with, but other than her he had never really had any sort of feelings for someone. He now knew what love was and he didn’t want to quite say that he loved Tyler, not yet anyway. Sure he loved him in a best friend way, the way he now loved Jenna.

But unlike Jenna, Josh found Tyler more intriguing and was obviously attracted to him. Out of all the beautiful things that Josh has seen the past day; colors, snow, fire, Gabriel, Tyler was definitely at the top of the list. His darker chestnut hair and his dark brown eyes, his bone structure, all alluring aspects of the other boy. Not only was Tyler physically attractive, but he was such a good person and Josh hadn’t realized this until yesterday.

Sure, they had been best friends since Josh could remember, and Josh knew that he was a good influence and a good person to be around, but he didn’t really _know_ until now. Tyler had risked his life, along with Gabriel’s and Josh’s own, to escape from the community and venture out into “Elsewhere”. He put his own wants aside to bring memories back to the community. He told Josh he loved him, wrote and played him a song, all with the knowledge that Josh hadn’t know what he had meant. He took Gabriel into his own care, practically adopting him at the age of eighteen because he didn’t want the baby to be killed.

Tyler was such a good person and Josh couldn’t believe that he loved him. Josh had always thought that Tyler and Jenna would make good parents, always believing that they would be chosen as so during the matching ceremony. And Josh always felt this feeling of wrongness or an associated feeling that he didn’t have the word for when he thought about them together, even though he kept convincing himself that they would be good together. He now knew that that feeling is jealousy, and that he would definitely be jealous if Jenna and Tyler were to be parents instead of Tyler and himself.

Tyler stirred, breaking Josh from his thoughts because oh my god Tyler was yawning and stretching and turning onto his other side so that he was facing Josh and Josh was completely taken away by how soft and pretty his best friend looked after a full night’s sleep. Tyler’s eyes met his and they shared a smile. This boy loved him? How lucky was Josh?

“Morning,” Tyler said and oh my god his voice was rough and rugged and he was looking at Josh with sparks in his eyes, “did you sleep well last night?”

“Y-Yeah, what about you?” Josh found it a miracle that he could actually speak with a sleepy Tyler in bed next to him.

“Fine, you’re really warm, like my own personal heater,” Tyler said, reaching his hands to give Josh’s waist a quick tickle, causing Josh to let out a small giggle and blush to rise on his face, “Come on, let’s try and fix some breakfast, see if anyone came back yet.”

Tyler’s face was so close to his that if he leaned in just the smallest amount, he would be able to kiss him. But before Josh could even look down to Tyler’s lips, the other boy had swiftly moved up and off the bed heading down the hall calling for Josh to “come on, I’m starving”.

 

-

 

Days pasted and no one had came to reclaim their cabin. Tyler and Josh had eventually made themselves at home. After all, they had no idea of when they would be back or if they were even coming back. They had unpacked the small amount of items from Tyler’s backpack after the third day, making themselves most at home as possible. They both knew that the community had never really been a home, that this would probably be the closest they’d get to an actual house. Josh didn’t tell Tyler that he felt at home whenever he was with him, but he was going to tell him at a more appropriate time. 

Tyler hadn’t talked about the memories that had been released to Josh, hadn’t talked about his love for Josh or told him that he loved him since before crossing the boundary. He hadn’t talked about the song or anything else that the Giver had shown or taught him.

Josh might have been new to all these new emotions and memories, but he wasn’t stupid. He had known Tyler for basically their whole lives and could tell when his best friend was trying to avoid something. However, Josh knew that Tyler would tell him these things when he was ready to, he wasn’t going to force him.

Days became weeks and they had safely assumed that the person that had lived here wasn’t coming back. They had gone out for firewood multiple times now, making it an almost everyday chore, and Josh could feel his body gain muscle from all of the wood he’s lifted and brought back to the cabin. That was the deal, Tyler chopped branches and smaller trees with an axe he found in the basement while Josh carried bundles of the wood back to the cabin.

They were slowly running out of food, and cut down on the amount of meals per day until they figured out what they were going to do to get more and where they were going to go. The fridge and cabinets were full of food that they would be able to find at a grocery store. Tyler had explained that that had to mean that there had to be a town nearby. In what direction, they didn’t know. They silently decided to ignore the situation until the problem became bigger and they actually ran out of food; which would be in about a week.

 “Hey, Josh…” Tyler said when they were boiling water in the kettle for tea one snowy afternoon, “I know it’s been a few weeks since we went through the boundary and got here but, I need to talk to you about some stuff. I should’ve told you way sooner but I didn’t really wanna deal with the fact that you and I have almost all the same memories now.”

“Yeah, no I get it Ty, I knew you needed time. What did you want to talk about though?”

Tyler pressed his lips together before letting out a long sigh. “Is there… anything you want me to try to explain to you?”

Josh was slightly taken aback by the question. He thought Tyler was going to talk to him about the song he wrote for him or talk about his feelings towards him, but Josh supposed he shouldn’t have been so naive for thinking Tyler would admit that now, out loud, now that Josh knew what he meant when he told Josh he loved him.

“N-Well, actually… a couple things but the memories that I’ve gained sort of help explain everything themselves. I guess you would know that, sorry. But yeah, a couple things.”

The kettle whistled and Tyler poured the water into their mugs. They took them into the living room with them, slowly sitting down on the small couch as to not spill the hot tea.

“Okay, go ahead, shoot. What did you want me to help you figure out?” Tyler said, leaning forward to set his mug on the coffee table.

Josh thought about it. He really wanted to know why Tyler would take time to write him a song and _perform_ it for him when Tyler knew that Josh would have zero idea what it had meant much less what it was. But Tyler hadn’t brought it up and Josh had figured that it was a touchy subject for him, so he decided against it. He knew that this was going to be a serious and tough conversation anyway, so he thought that he should let Tyler know what’s been keeping him up at night.

“I um… I can’t get it out of my head that I’ve killed people, babies,” Tyler opened his mouth to talk but Josh needed to get this out, “I haven’t been able to sleep that well, Ty. How could they not tell us what we were actually doing when we sent babies to ‘Elsewhere’? Just because they didn’t pass some tests… I’ve taken so many precious, young lives away.” Admitting this out loud, actually talking about it, made it seem all the more real. Josh felt weight lift off his shoulders he didn’t know he had there, and tears started slowly falling from his eyes.

“Hey, hey,” Tyler whispered, moving himself closer to Josh, wrapping his arms around him in a hug. He pulled back enough to wipe Josh’s tears off his cheeks, “it’s not your fault, okay? You didn’t know. It’s not fair that you had to do something so violent without knowing so. Please, Josh, don’t blame yourself, okay?”

Josh let out an abrupt sob, “I keep seeing them when I’m asleep, Tyler. But they’re crying for help and I want to stop, want to save them but I can’t. I just press the needle in a push them down the shoot.”

“Those are nightmares, Josh. And I know you’ve been having them.”

Josh furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. How could Tyler know that he’s been seeing those things while he’s asleep, his nightmares?

“You’ve been kicking me in your sleep, and sometimes you say stuff, but I can never make it out.”

Josh didn’t know what to say, he was a little embarrassed by the fact that Tyler knew about his nightmares and that he possibly hurt him in his sleep.

“… I didn’t really know what to do I-“ Tyler closed his mouth and shrugged his shoulders, “I feel bad about all this. Ever since we crossed that boundary line and I released the memories to everybody, I’ve felt stupid and selfish for dragging you and Gabe along, I mean, we don’t even know where we are and we’re almost out of food and-“

“-Tyler. You are so brave for doing what you did. And you didn’t drag me and the baby along, I wanted to come and I’m sure if Gabriel could talk he would tell you that he wanted to, too. I didn’t even know what you were talking about most of the time but I wanted to come with you; you’re my best friend, I wanted to help you achieve this goal and I didn’t want to live in a Community without you.”

Josh could see Tyler’s eyes light up slightly, as if someone had told him that he won a Grammy. Tyler’s eyes went from Josh’s to his lips then back to his eyes.

“I really wanna-“

“Kiss me.” Josh whispered.

They were already so close, still knee to knee from Tyler comforting him. All Tyler had to do was move forward a few inches for their lips to touch. Tyler raised his hand and cupped the junction of Josh’s jaw and neck and leaned forward all in one swift motion, lips connecting with Josh’s. Their eyes were closed and Tyler slightly moved his lips and Josh could taste the remains of tea.

Josh tried to kiss back and drifted his hand from his lap to softly grip Tyler’s knee. Their lips slid together perfectly, and Josh wondered why kissing was something that the officials and Elders would take away. Because kissing Tyler was something that Josh never wanted to stop doing, it left him breathless and wanting more, kissing Tyler was something that Josh could compare to seeing colors for the first time. And knowing that Tyler loved him, that Tyler sacrificed so much so Josh could feel the things he feels, see the things he sees and know what he does, made these kisses all the more real and magical. Josh really did feel loved.

When they pulled apart and Tyler’s hand left the side of his face, Josh could see that Tyler’s eyes were still sparkly and his cheeks were tinted pink. Josh could feel heat in his own cheeks and he felt so happy, loved the feeling of Tyler kissing and loving him.

“Wow.” Josh sighed, tentatively rubbing Tyler’s thigh. Tyler looked down and moved his hand towards Josh’s in his lap and slowly laced his fingers with his, almost one by one. He looked back up at Josh, showing the other boy a small smile.

“Yeah”.

Josh really wanted to ask him about the song and why he stopped saying he loved him after they crossed the boundary but they were interrupted by Gabriel crying from upstairs in the nursery. They both let out frustrated sighs, the baby had only been asleep for an hour.

“I got him.” Josh offered and stood up, removing himself from the couch.

He walked up the short flight of stairs and into the nursery, only to see a squirming Gabriel with a beat red face, still crying. Josh lifted him up from out of the crib and into his arms, immediately bouncing him lightly to try to calm him down. He walked the short distance to the other side of the room where the changing table was, and carefully laid Gabriel down and got out a fresh diaper - that’s another thing they were almost out of - diapers. Josh tried not to focus on that right now, wanting Gabriel to calm down so he could go back downstairs to Tyler.

He changed the baby’s diaper and Gabriel was still crying. Josh grabbed the bottle of milk from one of the tables by the crib and started to feed him. After what seemed like hours, and was actually probably a good twenty minutes, Gabriel had finally had enough to eat and fell back asleep. Josh had ended up sitting down in the chair in the corner of the room because his back and legs had started to hurt after a while. Gabriel had drank every bit of milk in the bottle, his mouth slowly releasing once sleep had overtaken the tired baby.

Gabriel had been a good baby from the start, hardly any problems, and Josh couldn’t understand what tests he had to not have passed to get himself “sent to Elsewhere”. Because Gabriel had hardly cried, in fact he slept most of the time, but now it was the complete opposite. Tyler and Josh were lucky if they could go a night with getting up only less than five times to try and will him back to sleep.

Most recently, Gabriel would wake them up in the early hours of the morning, and stay up well until passed lunch. That’s why Tyler and Josh had started initiating naps, trying to turn his sleeping schedule back around. If Gabriel wasn’t sleeping or eating, he was probably crying or trying to get one of the boy’s attentions.

Josh knew that babies’ sleeping schedules and overall moods and phases changed almost regularly and that they can be unpredictable. He had been the one taking care of him most of the time, just because he loves to and has had the skills and training to. Although, Tyler would volunteer himself every once in a while when Josh was obviously overworking himself trying to take care of the baby; which was now more often than not.

Josh had slowly placed Gabriel back into his crib, making sure to wrap him in the blankets he had, before heading back downstairs to Tyler.

“Josh, do you,” Tyler started to ask right when Josh’s foot left the last stair, pressing his lips together and sitting anxiously on the edge of the couch, “do you remember when we had jumped into the waterfall to get away from Jenna, when you said that you thought you wanted to be involved with me and the journey we were making to get here?”

“Y-Yeah… why?” Josh admittingly had forgotten about that. He had been so focused on anything else that he completely forgot about the small amount of feelings he previously wasn’t able to put words to that he had before they had crossed the boundary line. He could put words to those feelings now, he realized, and discovered that they were want, determination and curiosity and the need to help and protect Tyler.

“Because… well do you still want to be? Like, now that you have all of the memories that I released along with all of the emotions and extensive vocabulary that comes with them, do you still want to be here? With me? I mean, we already did what we came here to do. Did you want to go back? To your family unit and Jenna?”

Josh didn’t even need to think about it, “No. I’m happy wherever you are, Tyler,” he said, sitting down next to Tyler again, “There’s nowhere else that I would rather be than with you and Gabriel, here in this cabin. I could care less about my family unit, and Jenna betrayed us, no way do I want to go back to being her friend. You and Gabriel are the only two people I need right now.”

Tyler’s eyes lit up and a smile slowly grew onto his face, “I’m really lucky to be your best friend.”

And Josh’s heart sank a little at that; just his best friend. But Josh understood that they hadn’t talked at all about it yet and Josh shouldn’t get his hopes up that after weeks of Tyler not saying those three words to him, that it would be any different now. Besides, Josh hadn’t returned the same feelings, other than the kiss they had just shared. Josh wasn’t even one hundred percent sure if he loved Tyler in a romantic way or not, he was still trying to figure that out. He guessed that he’d rather not give Tyler false hope and keep his mouth shut instead.

“So you would really rather stay here with Gabe and I and eventually starve? You never want to go back?” Tyler pushed.

“Not if it means that I wouldn’t be with you.”

Tyler reached his arms out from his sides, stretching them towards Josh to wrap around his shoulders, and pulled him in for a tight hug. Josh hugged him back, arms wrapping around Tyler’s waist. Josh could feel Tyler’s breath on his neck when the other boy turned his head, burrowing himself in the crook of it.

“I really, really like you, J. So lucky to have you here with me, I don’t know what else I would’ve done.”

Josh could feel his cheeks warm, and placed a kiss to Tyler’s hair, “I really like you, too.”

 

-

 

They had figured out themselves awhile ago that the person who lived in the cabin before them definitely wasn’t coming back. Tyler even had this theory that the memory of the sled was both a memory and glimpse into the future, and that they were actually the ones that originally lived in the cabin. Josh wouldn’t admit it to anyone else but Tyler but it actually made some sense; only two rooms, one being a nursery, the fact that Tyler had recognized the place without a second glance. They both agreed that this place felt more like a home than a family unit could ever try to be, and that they both felt attached to the cabin more than they should for only living in it for a few weeks.

Josh just accepted Tyler’s theory, he didn’t really have much to argue with anyway. Where else were they going to go? This had to be it.

Josh could tell that Tyler was a little more eased when they had gone to bed that night. He figured that it must’ve been the talk that they had (and the kiss). If he could get Tyler to talk more about what he learned and went through with the Giver and how he felt about this whole situation, Tyler’s worries would fade away. Josh didn’t know much about feelings, at least the more complex ones that he has only had access to for a few weeks, but he figured that it wasn’t good to keep them bottled up and not talk to somebody about them.

Josh found himself being hypocritical in this, because he hadn’t talked to Tyler much about anything that had happened either. But today had been progress and Josh was willing to make those kind of conversations more of a regularity.

They had agreed to try to work out a plan the next day about their food situation. Tyler still believed that there was probably a town or a city near by, and that they had to have had some kind of transportation other than a sled, but Josh didn’t remember seeing anything.

If Josh was being honest, he feared that somebody had to have known that they were coming here and stocked up all of their food and supplies for Gabriel, and left them to wonder what to do when it got to this point. Josh had even feared that the Giver had done this, and left Tyler to defend for himself when food and supplies ran out. He didn’t know what went on between the two of them, he didn’t even really know what Tyler’s plan was and he knew that Tyler didn’t either.

He was being honest with what he had told Tyler earlier, he really wanted to come along with a need to protect his best friend and to be there for him. There really was no other place in the world that Josh would rather be with right now, or at any moment for that matter, than with Tyler.

Josh went to sleep that night with new optimism about their entire situation, and hope that he and Tyler will become as close as they were in the Community. They were obviously still best friends, and they always will be, but ever since they crossed the boundary and Josh knew what Tyler meant when he said he loved him, with Tyler knowing that Josh now knew what he meant, he couldn’t help but notice the awkwardness between the two.

They’d been living together in an all around awkward atmosphere for three weeks, both of them unwilling to say something, and today they had finally gotten somewhere. Josh knew that Tyler had definitely needed time and will need more, and Josh did himself as well, but he was one hundred percent happy with what the outcome of their day had been. He hoped and hoped that Tyler will be willing to tell him more about what he was thinking and experiencing and why he had wrote that damn song.

Josh couldn’t stop thinking about that song, it was the only one he had ever heard. Sure, he had memories of songs, people singing and playing all sorts of instruments, but he could never hear them. Tyler’s voice was so hauntingly pretty, he could hear the nervousness in his voice at the beginning of the song then grow stronger by the end and Josh wanted to hear more.

Josh wanted Tyler to write more songs and play them for him. He wanted to hear Tyler’s wonderful, beautiful voice and hear his fingers grace over the keys of the piano. The song always played in his head when he went to sleep; he remembered how small Tyler looked at the grand piano, how Tyler’s eyebrows furrowed during some parts, his lips forming around the words, his vein in his neck showing during the parts when he would belt the lyrics. Josh would do almost anything to hear Tyler sing that song again.

Josh looked over to a sleeping Tyler, laying on his side with his back towards Josh. Josh licked his lips, nervous. Tyler was absolutely adorable when he slept, letting out the smallest and quietest of snores, his hair ruffled against the pillow. Josh softly snaked his arm around the other boy, and scooted more towards him while pulling him closer to himself, careful as not to wake his best friend up. Josh could feel how warm Tyler was on his fingertips, his stomach rising and falling to his breathing. Josh felt warmer, felt his face become a little warmer, and smiled.

 

-

 

They had put together a plan to go out and search for the town in two days. They had to prepare supplies, they didn’t know how long of a trip this was going to be, and if they were being honest, they had to prepare themselves, too. 

They were going through all of the outdoor-related supplies in the basement when Josh decided that he’ll hold his breath and try tearing down Tyler’s walls again. Tyler was sorting through the many pairs of snowshoes, putting them with their correct pairs, an excessive amount if you ask Josh.

“Hey, Ty.”

“Yeah, Josh?”

“Um… I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re really brave for releasing the memories. You gave up everything for the overall good, I really admire that.”

Tyler stopped sorting through the snowshoes and slowly looked up towards Josh.

“T-Thanks… I… I uh-“

“Why’d you do it? Like obviously to release the memories but you practically gave up your life, Tyler. I mean, look where we are! It’s like a different world. It must’ve took a lot of motivation and courage to just leave everything.”

“Yeah. I mean,” Tyler sighed, “I knew you were going to start asking all these questions eventually.”

There was a slight pause and the room was filled with silence.

“I did all of it, if I’m really telling the truth here, I did it for you. And Gabe, but mostly you. Josh… experiencing all of these memories and learning about all of the aspects that go with them, it’s hard, especially at the pace I did. I wanted out so bad, if the Giver hadn’t told me about the Boundary of Memory, I might’ve-I would’ve-“

Josh’s eyes widened at what Tyler was trying to get at, “Ty-“

“-I wanted out so bad, Josh. I didn’t want to live in that kind of world anymore. I wanted to take you and Gabe away from it, too. The two of you don’t deserve to live in a place like the community.”

And yeah, Josh loved Tyler. He walked the short distance to the other boy, kneeled down, cupping his cheeks, and Josh kissed him with all the desperation he had for his best friend. Tyler started to kiss him back, dropping the snowshoe he still had in his hand. Tyler tentatively gripped Josh’s hips and started to lead the kiss, licking into Josh’s mouth. Josh let out a quiet noise of surprise but went with it, letting Tyler’s tongue slide over his. Josh’s hands slid down to Tyler’s neck and he pulled back.

“I l-love you, Tyler.” Josh said, looking deep into the younger boy’s eyes.

Tyler’s eyebrows furrowed, “No, no, Josh, you don’t-“

“I know what I’m saying, and it’s true. I really do love you, Ty.”

Tyler’s voice softened, “You know I do too, right?”

Josh nodded his head, lips pressed together. He started to think that maybe this wasn’t the best time to tell his best friend that he loved him, after all, Tyler was still being closed up and they haven’t really begun to discuss the stuff that Josh really wanted answers to. But he figured that now’s better than ever, especially since he just laid his emotions out on the line.

“That… the song that you played me in the Giver’s family unit… did you really write that for me?” Josh said, looking back at Tyler.

Tyler looked away for a second, looking like he didn’t want to talk about this, but Josh _needed_ to know. Tyler sighed, “Yeah. It’s all about you,” he let out a chuckle, “the only reason I really played it for you was because I knew that you would never figure out what I meant. Now that I say it out loud, it sounds really stupid. I mean, I was taking you to the boundary with me, I guess I never really thought my plan through. Either way, I didn’t know when we’d be around another piano, so.”

“But you-you really mean those things, Ty? Like the lyrics?”

Tyler nodded his head, “Yeah,” then revealed a small smile, looking back at Josh, “I still do.”

Josh smiled and he felt warm. Tyler still loved him and he meant every word that he had written and sung to him weeks ago. Josh was happy; he felt like Tyler really loved him, and he loved Tyler. God, did he love Tyler.

He had basically given up his life back in the community for the sake of Josh not having to live without knowing about all of the memories from Before that Tyler had himself. Tyler wanted a better life for Josh and Gabriel and Tyler gave that to them, as if it wasn’t possibly the biggest decision of his life.

Josh felt closer to Tyler once again and felt even more at home, like everything had suddenly fallen into place. Like Josh didn’t know what this cabin had truly felt like until now. This could be the home that he and Tyler could actually live and really raise Gabriel. And he was so ready to do so, with no one else but Tyler.

Josh’s smile widened, “I really do love you, Ty. And I know that things have been kind of muffled between us lately, because we each knew that I knew that you love me. I know that you needed time and I still have a lot of questions to ask and I don’t want to bombard you, but I really wanted to know about the song, it’s been in my head since you played it for me. You have such a wonderful voice, Ty, and I-“

“Okay, Josh,” Josh could see the slightest hint of blush on his face, “we can get to all of your questions - eventually - but right now, I just want to put all of this crap away and kiss you.”

“Let’s do it.”

 

-

 

That night as they laid in bed, Tyler told Josh everything that he wanted to know. Tyler explained the things that he had learned and experienced with the Giver, telling Josh some extensive knowledge that would help explain some of the memories and Josh found it very helpful. Tyler also explained that the Giver had really become more of a best friend to him rather than someone who was training him to take over their own career. He missed him and lot and Josh felt kind of guilty for thinking that the Giver had somehow set this entire cabin up for Tyler to eventually run out of resources. 

He told Josh that some of the memories made him almost want to stop training to be the Giver, that they made him wish that he had never agreed to accepting the career. The memory of Johnson and Parker scared Tyler so bad that he said he didn’t go back to the Giver’s for almost a week. He told Josh in a whisper that he would happily give his life up for Josh, in a war-like situation or not.

“You kind of did in a way,” Josh smiled when the younger boy told him this, “I’m happy that we’re here now, though, wherever ‘here’ may be.”

That made Tyler smile in return.

Tyler told him about how much he thought about Josh when he was training with the Giver and receiving memories. He told him about the first times he saw colors, how deep and dark Josh’s eyes are along with his hair.

“Seeing you in color was like a whole other level of beauty, you were distracting,” Tyler said with a laugh. Tyler explained to him that he started to develop a crush on him during the time he was experiencing the first memories, like the colors, “It was weird, I didn’t really know what I was feeling and obviously we there wasn’t such thing as attraction, really, in the community so it was weird feeling that for the first time. I didn’t even know that it was okay for a boy to like another boy the way I liked you until the Giver showed me all of the different forms and kinds of love.”

Josh’s face was pink the entire time. Tyler opening up to him like this, in the darkness of their room with whispers laced with happiness, it only confirmed Josh’s love for the boy.

“I didn’t know I was in love with you until the reality of never seeing you again set in. That’s part of why I asked you to come.” Tyler said, his finger’s gently playing with Josh’s.

Josh hid his smile in the other boy’s neck, resting his head on his shoulder. They slowly and softly fell asleep, with Josh curled into Tyler’s side. They whispered their goodnights when they were starting to fight sleep.

And for the first time in the weeks that they had been staying at the cabin, Josh didn’t have any nightmares. He slept the whole night through, without any interruptions, and he dreamed about he and Tyler raising Gabriel, spending years and decades together.

 

-

 

It took longer than both of them thought it would take to find the small town. They had discovered in a shed that was on it’s last leg, was a snowmobile. It was obviously used, having obvious years of wear and tear and Tyler didn’t think that it would last for however long that their trip was going to be. But Josh argued that it was better than walking or sledding, and Tyler nodded in agreement. A little under two hours later and they had managed to find it. 

They ended up getting enough food and other supplies to last them a few days so one of them could come back while the other would stay at the cabin to look after Gabriel. Their problem was solved and an enormous weight had been lifted off of their shoulders.

A couple of weeks had passed and Josh had never felt more at home. He and Tyler were a proper couple, taking care of Gabriel, of whom they had started treating like their own son. Tyler and Josh had taken turns making trips to the grocery store in town once a week. They had formed daily consistency and Josh didn’t think he could be more relieved to go back to what was almost a schedule.

However, there wasn’t much they could do in the cabin. Sure, they cooked, baked, cleaned, played with the baby, took naps, and talked, but it had begun to be boring. They had made a trip to the bookstore in the town so they could have something to do. Josh found that he really liked reading; he could get lost in a book for days, never putting it down until he had finished. Tyler told him that he found it adorable and that he would get him some more books.

Josh loved it when he would lay his head in Tyler’s lap and Tyler would play with his hair while he read. Tyler was looking down at him with the most absolute fondest face, Josh was trying to keep his focus on the pages and trying not to blush.

“Did I ever tell you how cute you look when you read?” Tyler spoke up, fingers still threading through Josh’s hair.

Josh tilted his book back and looked up at Tyler, “No, but that’s really cheesy of you to say.”, he smiled.

Tyler chuckled, “Well, you do. You’re always so focused and sometimes you get these expressions on your face… like you can’t believe that author wrote what you just read, it’s kind of funny. You get into weird positions, too, like hanging upside down from the back of the couch,” they both laughed, Josh a little embarrassed, “it’s cute though.”

Josh fought a smile and thanked his boyfriend. He set the book down on the coffee table, giving Tyler his full attention now. Tyler’s smile faltered the slightest bit when he did so.

“You can keep reading, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No, it’s okay, I’ve been reading it all day anyway. Besides… I need some Ty time.”

That made Tyler laugh, “Josh you have ‘Ty time’ everyday, like all the time. We’re never not around each other, you’re not tired of me yet?”

“Never,” Josh said, shaking his head and sitting up, still facing Tyler, “But I uh… I want a um… a different kind of Ty time?”, Josh asked, his voice going higher and smaller.

And yeah, Josh had been thinking of this for a while, for a _long time_. A really long time. At first the idea made him feeling a little hot, heating going not only to his face when he thought about having sex with Tyler. They never really talked about it, even though they both knew that Josh had the memory of what sex is. Josh guessed that it made Tyler as uncomfortable as it did himself, but he didn’t want it to be.

“Wha-What do you mean?” Tyler asked innocently, his eyes shifting between looking at each of Josh’s, but Josh could tell that there was a small part in Tyler that knew exactly what Josh was trying to get at.

“You know…” Josh tried not to smile and rolled his head back, leaning back on this hands and looking at the ceiling, not wanting Tyler to see his flushed face.

Tyler scooted towards Josh, lifting his legs up on the couch in the process, “No, Josh, I don’t know what you mean.”

Josh lowered his head and looked at him; he had the biggest smirk that he had ever seen him wear. Josh knew that Tyler was going to make him say it, and it shouldn’t be a big deal, it shouldn’t, it’s just that they’ve never talked about it before and it was a little embarrassing to Josh (even though it shouldn’t be). He took his hand in Tyler’s, rubbing his thumb over the other boy’s knuckles and sighed.

“I wanna show you how much I love you, Ty. I,” he let out a breath trying not to laugh at himself, “I wanna have sex with you.”

A smile slowly broke out on Tyler’s face, “Yeah?”, he said raising his eyebrows.

Josh started to smile, a little overwhelmed with fondness for his boyfriend, “Yeah.”

Tyler leaned forward and pressed his lips to Josh’s, his hand coming up to wrap around Josh’s neck. Tyler slowly moved his lips against his and even though they’ve kissed hundreds of times now, Josh’s breath was still taken away every time, he couldn’t believe that his best friend loved him. Josh felt Tyler’s tongue slide against his bottom lip, and Josh let him in.

The kiss gained momentum and their mouths were moving faster. Tyler sat on his knees to scoot closer to Josh, both his hands on his neck now and tilting Josh’s head up slightly now that he was sitting a little taller. Josh let his hands wander to Tyler’s hips, his fingers breezing underneath the other boy’s hem of his shirt to slightly grip his hips. They were thoroughly kissing by now, getting heated and a tiny bit impatient. Yeah, Josh wanted to take this somewhat slow considering neither of them have done this before, at least he was almost one hundred percent sure that Tyler hadn’t. But on the other hand he was really excited for this and he had the love of his life kissing him pretty passionately and ready.

His grip on Tyler’s hips tightened and Tyler let out the slightest of moans and any doubts left in the back of Josh’s head had vanished. His hands slipped a small amount down so that they were covering both part of his boyfriend’s ass and back and pulled him forwards onto his lap, Tyler’s legs easily wrapping around Josh’s own hips.

Having Tyler Joseph in his lap was one of Josh’s favorite pastimes; they didn’t do this often but when they would have a heated makeup session or whether they were just reading and Tyler crawled into his lap, Josh felt this overwhelming sense of pride that this was his boyfriend, all his. He wanted to show Tyler off to the world, show everyone how beautiful and selfless he was.

Tyler started kissing his jaw, moving down to his neck and started to lick and suck on his skin there, making Josh’s breath hitch. Tyler’s hands moved from cupping his face to wrapping them loosely behind Josh’s head, his wrists grazing his neck. Tyler bit down on his neck, making a love bite. Josh let out a moan at that, biting his lip and gripped Tyler’s ass. Tyler groaned against his neck and grinded down against him.

“Ahh, fuck, Ty.”

Tyler continued to grind his hips down onto Josh’s lap, “You like that?” he asked teasingly, peaking up from the crook of Josh’s neck and into his eyes.

“Fuck yeah.” Josh breathed.

Tyler smirked and grinded down onto him once again, all the while staring directly into Josh’s eyes. Josh let his arms slide up and down Tyler’s sides, catching parts of his shirt with him. It was mesmerizing; the way Tyler was slightly biting his lip while grinding his hips on Josh’s, looking down in-between their bodies watching himself and Josh grow harder, their chests so close to touching. Tyler’s body was a work of art and Josh wanted to make love to him for as long as they’d together.

“You’re so hot, Ty. And all mine.”

“All your’s.” Tyler breathed.

Josh gripped his boyfriend’s sides and pushed him backwards so his back was pressed against the couch and he was hovering over him. He placed one of his legs in-between Tyler’s and went to attack his neck with his own love bites. He could feel Tyler’s cock through his pants, hard against his thigh.

He shifted his hips in a certain way that their clothed cocks slid against each other and Tyler let out a loud moan, “Oh, god, do that again.”

Josh wasn’t even completely sure what he did, but he pushed his hips down against Tyler’s again and they both moaned at the repeated action. Josh continued with this, in an almost agonizingly slow pace, but it was so good Josh could start to feel something low in his belly.

Josh was panting against Tyler’s neck more than kissing it now, letting out small groans. Tyler’s fingers moved from dangling behind his head to digging in his hair, scratching at his scalp.

“J-Josh, I… I need. Bed. Now.” Tyler’s voice had sounded somewhat raspy and they hadn’t even done anything yet, not really, which in Josh’s opinion only made this whole thing hotter and made him want Tyler even more.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Josh stood up off the couch and lifted a flushed Tyler into his arms, his legs wrapping around his waist, and carried them up the stairs and into their bedroom. He dropped Tyler down on to the edge of the bed and took his own shirt and socks off.

Tyler looked him up and down, his mouth opening a small amount. God, Josh was happy he was with Tyler, that he was about to do this with him, he loved his best friend so much and he gave Josh so much confidence that he hadn’t even known he had. He wanted to make this boy feel as good as possible.

“Enjoying the view?”

“Oh yeah.” Tyler smiled, looking in his eyes now. Tyler crawled backwards toward the head of their bed, Josh following after him and eventually meeting his lips again.

Josh kissed and kissed and kissed his boy, from his lips to his jaw and back to working on his neck like he had been on the couch. Tyler’s hands had wandered to his head to grip his hair again, his fingers a comfortable amount of tight in his dark brown locks. One of Josh’s hands went down to trace the hem of his shirt, silently asking Tyler for permission. Tyler nodded and Josh lifted his shirt up and off of him, throwing it behind him towards his own on the floor.

“You’re so,” Josh kissed his lips, “beautiful, Ty. Look at you.” Josh felt the smile against his lips and when he lifted his head so he could see all of Tyler’s face, his boyfriend was red with blush. “I mean it. So pretty.”

Tyler’s hands went down from his hair to cup his face, “Love you, J.”

“Me, too. Love you so much, Ty. Gonna make you feel so good.” He promised, starting to lead kisses down the other boy’s neck and onto his collar bones, soft sighs coming from Tyler’s mouth. He traced kissed down his chest and down further to his stomach and below his bellybutton where he was halted by the boy’s pants.

He came back up to lap at his nipples, his tongue circling the nub and sucking just the smallest but right amount, enough to make the younger boy quiver. He moved to the other and did the same there, pulling the same shaky breaths from Tyler.

Josh was somewhat surprised at himself for how well this was going. This was obviously both of their first times, and don’t get him wrong, he still had nerves swimming around in him despite all of his doubt leaving. But this was _Tyler,_ his best friend since he could remember, the boy who had saved him from a horrible and conservative society, risking his life to do so. A selfless hero who put everyone from the community before himself, not caring about the dangers of risking his life. He loved this boy with all of his heart and, yeah it might just be here in this heated and passionate moment, but Josh’s feelings were pouring out of him through the use of his mouth and tongue. He was so determined to make this as good and wonderful for Tyler as they could remember from memories of Before.

“Josh,” Tyler moaned, bringing him back from his thoughts, “I want you so bad, need you. Please.” He was itching at the waistband of his jeans, Josh’s mouth still lapping and sucking on his chest, just above his heart.

He lifted his head from Tyler’s boy, looking at him and nodding, reaching down with the hand that wasn’t holding himself up to pull down the other boy’s jeans. “Need you, too.”

He shifted away from Tyler, kneeling at the edge of where his feet were laid, pulling his jeans down and off of his legs, throwing them in with the rest of the pile on the floor. Tyler was hard as ever in his black boxer briefs, a darker wet spot showing on the fabric. Josh’s mouth hung from his face in lust, his eyes darker than they were before if it’s even possible. The black garment contrasted nicely with his pale legs and stomach, his chest and face completely flushed out.

Josh let out a deep breath, “Damn, Tyler.”

Tyler let a loopy smile cover his face, completely blissed out.

Josh stood up off the bed and pulled his own jeans down along with his own boxer briefs, stepping out of them and pushing them behind him.

“Fuck,” Tyler moaned, eyeing Josh’s cock. Josh crawled back up on the bed toward Tyler, hovering over him again. He smirked and pressed his lips to Tyler’s kissing him again. Their hips met, separated only by Tyler’s boxers, causing them both to moan into each other’s mouths. “Fuck, Josh you’re so fucking hot, shit.”

And fuck, Tyler hardly ever cussed but he was letting it go like a sailor and if Josh was being honest, it was one of the hottest things he’d ever heard. He pulled away from his mouth only to pull down the younger boy’s briefs, the separation finally gone, and threw them on the floor with the rest of their clothing.

Josh grinded his hips down against Tyler’s, their now slick cocks sliding against each other, both of them letting out loud moans. If he wanted to, he could easily get them off like this, but this was more than that and they would have plenty of time to get off by rubbing against each other another time.

“Fuck me, Josh. Please.” Tyler whined, impossibly hard and leaking precum. Josh nodded, but realized they didn’t have anything. Right. Tyler could tell what he was thinking and interrupted his thoughts before Josh told them they couldn’t, “Let me suck your fingers, it’ll have to do for lube.”

Josh nodded, “Yeah, okay.” He pushed his hand towards Tyler’s mouth, Tyler taking three fingers in and circling them with his tongue, and wow, Josh hadn’t thought about how hot this was going to be. He didn’t know how close he was to coming until now, either. “You good, Ty? Think it’ll be enough?” He didn’t want one of them to cum before they got to the main event but he didn’t want it to sound like he was rushing his boyfriend either.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m ready.”

This all got very real when he said that. Josh knew what he was doing but at the same time he didn’t, he was inexperienced to say the least and he didn’t want to hurt his beautiful boy. He tried to calm his nerves and he spread Tyler’s legs wider, his wet hand reaching down to prod at the boy’s entrance.

Tyler hummed when Josh had gotten a finger in him, his hands splayed across Josh’s shoulder blades. Josh was circling his finger in Tyler, stretching him out and making room for his second. Tyler was trying to be quiet about it, only humming and groaning small groans. Josh wanted to tell him that he could make all the noise he wanted before he remembered that Gabriel was asleep in the next room and that Tyler might be embarrassed at how much he’s enjoying just one finger in him. So Josh let him be and raveled in the quiet noise his boyfriend continued to make.

He had pumped his finger in and out of the other boy and circled it inside him for long enough now that he was about to send in an additional one. Josh could feel Tyler stretch against his fingers and before he could say anything Tyler cut him off saying that it felt good and didn’t want him to stop.

“You’re fingers are so good, Josh, don’t stop. Feels so freaking good.”

Josh continued stretching the boy, scissoring and curling his fingers. Tyler was losing up in more ways than one and if he wasn’t completely blissed out before, he was now. Tyler’s chest was starting to sweat and he was practically panting, moaning Josh’s name as Josh slipped the third finger in.

He pumped his fingers in and out of Tyler, gliding smoothly and prepping his boyfriend the last bits he needed before he took them away.

“Josh, ‘m ready. Want you so bad. Please.” Tyler mumbled.

“I got you, baby.”

And between the pet name and Josh pulling his fingers fully out, Tyler was a whimpering mess, begging the older boy for _something_. Josh spit in his hand and glided his hand over his own cock, getting it as lubed up as he could.

Josh took ahold of his cock, guiding himself inside Tyler, while the other one was pressed against the bed next to Tyler’s head. It was agonizing how slow Josh pushed all the way in, and they both knew that it wouldn’t’ve hurt Tyler at all, but Josh wanted this. With the somewhat rushed making out and as much as he wanted to fuck Tyler, in all different ways, he wanted this time, their first time, to be slow; and he could feel that Tyler wanted that, too.

They were a chorus of moans when Josh had gotten all the way in, Tyler’s nails digging into Josh’s back slightly.

“Love you, Ty. Gonna make this so good for you.”

“You, too.” Tyler said, a hand coming around to cup his cheek.

Josh bit his lip and pulled back out before thrusting back in. He was able to form a rhythm, which didn’t take him long to, with hardly any effort towards keeping the same pace at all. Tyler’s legs were wrapped around his waist, letting out breathy moans while Josh sucked on his neck and continued to thrust into him.

“God, fuck, Josh.” Tyler grunted when Josh had picked up the pace.

He was moving faster now, but still gentle. Tyler felt so good around him, warm and soft, Josh was a little overwhelmed. His boyfriend’s sweaty body underneath him made him look angelic in a way, glistening in the natural light coming in through the blinds. Tyler’s chest was rising and falling with his pants, moans falling past his lips sounding like music to Josh.

Josh could feel Tyler’s leaking cock between their stomachs when he would bend his hips in a certain way. The younger boy was so hot and wet, both inside and out, and Josh couldn’t hold on much longer before he was going to cum.

He hiked one of Tyler’s legs up and over his shoulder and moved both his hands to hold the other boy’s hips to get a better angle, and that must’ve been the right thing to do because Tyler yelled out a string of “yes, yes, right there, right fucking there Josh, holy shit”’s. Josh continued to thrust in the spot, looking down at Tyler’s facial expressions; his eyebrows knitted together with his mouth hanging open, his cheeks an impossible shade of red and his eyes blissfully closed, all the while moaning Josh’s name like a mantra.

“Ty, Ty, Ty, I’m so-I’m… I’m getting-I’m gonna cum.” Josh panted.

“Do it, cum inside me Josh. Want it so bad, ‘m so fucking close.”

“You’re you beautiful, Ty. Fuck, look at you.” Josh leaned down to give a sloppy kiss to his love, tongues meeting and teeth biting on lips, still not close enough. Tyler’s hands were grabbing his neck, trying to get them impossibly so.

“Touch me, please.” Tyler whimpered against his lips.

Josh did as he was told and let one of his hands travel down to Tyler’s still leaking cock resting on his stomach. He wrapped his hands around him and pumped him only a matter of three times before Tyler was yelling his name and cuming onto his stomach and Josh’s hand.

Seeing Tyler come undone was all it took for Josh to start thrusting harder, ever almost right there, so close to cuming. He caught a shared look of eye contact and Josh was cuming inside Tyler, releasing moans he didn’t know he had been holding in.

He plopped down next to Tyler on the bed, both of them completely fucked out and panting. Josh eventually got up and went to get a washcloth to clean them up and to check on the baby. Gabriel was surprisingly still asleep, almost undisturbed.

He came back to bed and crawled in behind Tyler, pressing his love’s back to his chest.

“The baby’s still asleep.” he grumbled.

“Good.” Tyler mumbled back, turning around so he was face to face with Josh.

“I love you, Tyler.”

“I love you too, Josh.”

Holding the love of his life in his arms is something that Josh will probably never get over, he thought. Their hands were holding each other’s, their faces so close, sharing the same air, legs tangled together, and hearts beating the same beat while their eyes were closed softly, letting sleep take them over.

 

-

 

The warm morning light drifted into their room, filling it with a golden glow. Tyler was warm pressed against him, his eyelashes casting small shadows on his cheeks. Josh lifted up a hand to run his fingers through the tousled hair. He’s been friends, and now lovers, with this boy for all of what he can remember and he still couldn’t believe he was his, that he loved him.

They would live out their lives here, growing old together while watching Gabriel grow up. Whenever the young boy would ask his dads how they had met, Tyler would always respond with “it’s a long story, I’ll tell it to you when you’re older.” And he did. Tyler had shared memories from Before with the boy, teaching him about the things he had seen and why they had happened.

They would move into the city eventually, enrolling Gabriel in the school there, but they would always come back to the cabin. The summers were lovely and they were both relieved during the first, when all the snow had melted and the world was green and fresh. They would come back to the cabin during the summers, Gabriel eventually disappearing during some years when he had grown older and found himself his own home.

Josh had proven himself right when he promised himself that he would never grow tired of Tyler. Tyler still managed to surprise him and take his breath away. Although they had never gotten married, no matter how many times Gabriel had begged them too, Tyler didn’t think that it was necessary. He loved Josh and Josh loved him and he didn’t need a piece of paper to prove it. Josh didn’t mind, he even agreed with him even though he would’ve liked to see a ring on his love’s finger.

One day Josh had come home to the ultimate surprise; a piano was sat in their living room with Tyler sitting on the bench.

“I know you’d never tell me but I can tell that you’ve been dying to hear the song again, so I saved some money up without you noticing so I could buy this… I-“

Josh was awestruck, “Oh my god, Tyler, you didn’t have to-“

“But I want to.” Tyler gave him a look, his eyes showed that he was nervous regardless of the rest of his face looking straight and confident.

He started playing the first note and Josh was taken back to all those years ago when they were in the Giver’s family unit and Tyler was presenting this to him for the first time. When Josh couldn’t even put words to what he was feeling.

 

“ _I’ll pray that one day you see_

_the only difference between life and dying_

_is one is trying, that’s all we’re going to do_

_so try to love me and I’ll try to save you.”_

 

Josh fully understood those lines now, back when they were eighteen he had no idea what love was or what Tyler was trying to tell him. Tyler rapped and sang with more confidence than he had in the Giver’s family unit as well, and Josh was silently proud of him for his stronger voice. Every time Tyler sang the line “ _I will make you believe you are lovely”,_ Josh couldn’t help but blush a little. Tyler had written that for him, the entire _song_ for him, it had been years and years and Josh was still trying to wrap his head around that.

When Tyler had finished Josh rushed to the bench and kissed Tyler senseless, mumbling “I love you”’s against his boyfriend’s lips and cheeks. He could feel Tyler’s smile and just when he had thought he met the capacity of love for this boy, he was proven wrong, his love for Tyler growing even more.

They kept the piano in the living room and Tyler wrote more songs and played them for Josh and whenever Gabriel was around and wanted to hear one. Tyler was truly a gifted artist and Josh always reminded him so in more ways than one. Hearing Tyler’s voice accompanied with the sounds of a piano was one of Josh’s favorite sounds that he would never grow tired of hearing.

They would talk about the community sometimes, but never around Gabriel. The only time it was ever mentioned around their son was when they talked about how they had met, and how they had fallen in love. They never went back to the community, didn’t even know if it was still there. Josh did miss his sister sometimes, and Tyler missed his, but everything that happened in the community and everyone they knew seemed like it was in a previous lifetime.

Gabriel had eventually married a girl named McKenna and Josh and Tyler loved her. They welcomed her into their small family with open arms. She was so interested in her husband’s parents’ roots, Josh never got tired of telling the story. It only reminded him of his love for Tyler. McKenna and Gabriel never left Josh and Tyler in the dark, they came back with them to the cabin every summer, Josh and Tyler welcoming their son back, they lived in the city not too far from them and visited as often as they could. They were close as could be and Josh reveled in it.

Some time passed and McKenna had a child, naming the baby boy Thomas. Tyler was so excited and had offered to watch the baby whenever the couple would need it. Seeing Tyler play and take care of Thomas sparked old feelings and memories of them taking care of Gabriel, and this time around Tyler wasn’t as nervous with what he had to do for a baby. Josh was ecstatic as  well, bringing out the caring nurse that he still had in him. McKenna had given birth to two more children before Thomas had turned ten and Josh and Tyler couldn’t be happier to have their hands full with the wonderful duties of being grandparents.

Josh and Tyler had grown old, but they never grew old of each other. Every morning Josh’s breath was still taken away when he’d open his eyes to see his soft alluring boyfriend, eyelashes always so long and skin always so soft.

Just like he had looked right now. He heard Gabriel start to cry, startling Tyler awake.

“I got him, go back to sleep, babe.” Josh whispered, giving Tyler a kiss on his cheek.

Tyler showed a small smile and closed his eyes once again. Josh got up and walked towards the baby’s nursery. He decided in that moment that listening to the other boy and venturing out of the community had been the best decision that he had made. Tyler made leaving their life in the community worth it. He held Gabriel in his arms feeding him his bottle, smiling down at him, knowing full well that no matter what happened in their life to come, he would be happy as long as he had Tyler. 

**Author's Note:**

> yeah let's pretend like there's a piano version of Lovely also I will post the next/final chapter soon !!


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